


More Than You Bargained For

by whisperofgrace



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 22:52:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3226475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whisperofgrace/pseuds/whisperofgrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. A year after their break up, Neal is back in town and determined to get Emma to speak to him. She wants to show him that she doesn't want or need him back in her life, and reluctantly enlists Killian's help to do so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Taking another packet of serviettes, Emma tore off the plastic and continued filling up the dispenser, wishing that the diner was busy so the day would move more quickly at least. Grimacing at the way her stomach growled loudly, she looked over her shoulder to check the time, sighing when she saw that it was still an hour until her break. She'd been awake late last night and so had slept through her alarm, and had barely had time to shower and get dressed before she'd come to work. There hadn't been time to even think about breakfast, and now she was wishing that she'd eaten anyway and just suffered the consequences of being late.

She certainly didn't want to think about why she'd been awake so late, knowing that she wouldn't have a choice when Ruby and Killian joined her for lunch.

The sound of the door opening and the accompanying bell ringing made Emma look up eagerly; a customer would take her attention for a few minutes at least. Her smile faded and her heart dropped when she saw who had entered the diner and she quickly turned away, considering just walking away and asking Granny to cover for her for a few minutes, but her boss was in the kitchen out the back and she knew how childish it would look if she had to get Granny to serve him.

So instead she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, clenching her fists for a second before she turned back around. Bracing herself while trying to look like she wasn't, she took the notepad and pencil from the pocket of her apron and looked the customer straight in the eye. 'What can I get for you?' she asked in the most stoic voice she could manage.

Neal's smile faltered a little but picked right back up after only a second and he leaned forward, propping his elbows on the counter. 'Hi, Emma. I'm doing great, thanks for asking. How about you?'

Emma's jaw clenched and her fingers tightened around the pencil in her hand, but she forced herself to not react any more than that. Ignoring the warmth of his smile and the joke in his words, she repeated her question in the same tone.

When he leaned further forward, she had to resist the instinct to step back. He didn't get to get a reaction out of her, no way. 'How about a drink?' he said. 'My shout.'

'It's eleven o'clock, and I'm working,' she said pointedly.

'Later, then. Meet me at the Rabbit Hole after work for a while.'

She bit back a laugh, knowing he'd probably only take it as encouragement. Yes, she'd just love to see Neal show his face at the Rabbit Hole, where she knew Killian would be working tonight. Especially if she could hide in the corner and watch as Killian's fist met Neal's face. No, scrap that - she'd pay for front seat tickets. 'I'm not drinking with you, Neal,' she said bluntly. 'And if you can't see for yourself, I'm working.' As if to prove her point, she picked up a cloth and started wiping down the clean counter, hoping he'd get the hint and leave.

Neal scoffed, gesturing grandly to the empty diner. 'Yeah, yeah. Working real hard. Run off your feet, clearly.' He sat down on a stool opposite from her, then stood up and followed her along the counter when she moved away from him. 'Come on, Ems. I'll only be home for a week or so. I thought it would be nice to catch up now that I'm back.'

Typical - he wanted her for his fun, then he was going to up and leave again. What type of person did he think she was? 'I'm seeing someone,' she blurted out, desperate for him to just leave her alone. Straight away, though, she wished she could take the words back. She didn't want to hide behind a lie, but she knew that her workplace wasn't the place to tell him what she really wanted to. Once she started, she wasn't sure that she'd be able to stop. Hopefully if he thought she had a boyfriend then he'd back off - if he was only here for a few days then why was he even bothering with her?

Neal rolled his eyes, obviously seeing the lie, and looked at her with what looked like a combination of frustration and amusement. 'Whatever. I -' He paused when the door opened and a couple walked in, smiling and chatting to each other as they slowly approached one of the booths by the window. 'You'll talk to me before I go,' he said, lowering his voice and staring her down firmly. 'I'm going to Victor's party tomorrow night, I know you'll be there.' He smiled at her warmly then, and she felt a shiver at the contrast between his words and his expression. 'I look forward to seeing you, babe.'

Emma waited until the door had closed behind him before she leaned heavily against the counter, closing her eyes and scrubbing her hands across her face. She was glad that he either hadn't noticed how tired she looked, or just hadn't commented on it, since she hadn't wanted to try and avoid explaining to him that he was the reason why she hadn't gotten any sleep.

She shouldn't have been surprised that he'd shown up at her work. When she'd found out the night before that he was back in town she'd hoped that she'd somehow be able to avoid him, but clearly that was too much of an ask. What worried her the most was the look on his face before he left. She'd seen that before, when they'd first met and he'd made it clear that he wasn't going to take no for an answer. She had been younger in body and in mind, and his persistence had made her feel wanted, like she was worth something.

They'd been together for two years, until just over a year ago he'd decided that he wanted to travel, to see the world. And apparently, he could only do that if he was single, and there was only one reason why that would matter to him. But it was all right, he'd promised her. They could pick right back up when he came back.

Yeah. Right.

She wasn't sure whether he'd been serious about the last part or whether he was misguidedly trying to make her feel better, but either way she knew that she'd never wanted anything to do with him again. Apparently he'd meant it, which in her opinion was actually the worse of the two options.

The knowledge that he thought that low of her felt like a knife twisting in her stomach.

Taking a deep breath, she plastered on her happy face and went to take her new customers' orders.

* * *

Balling up her apron, Emma tossed it on the counter and grabbed the plates of burgers and fries, carrying them over to join Ruby and Killian. Putting their meals down in front of them, she slipped into the booth seat opposite them, folding her arms on the table and dropping her head into them.

There was silence for a few seconds, and she could practically feel the two of them glance at each other worriedly. 'You never know,' Ruby said after a few seconds. 'You might not even see him.'

Emma snorted, pressing her forehead into the table. 'Too late.'

'What?' She straightened reluctantly to grimace at Ruby, who was staring at her in surprise. 'He came  _here_?'

Shrugging, she stole a chip from Killian's plate. She'd thought she'd lost her appetite, but seeing the food in front of them now reminded her that she still hadn't eaten anything that day. She frowned at him when he didn't react at all as she swirled the chip in his sauce. 'He did, and I brushed him off, and he left. It's fine.'

'It's not fine,' Killian said, his eyes filled with concern.

'Of course it's not fine,' Ruby said, glancing quickly at her brother. 'But hopefully he knows to keep his distance now that you've spoken to him.' Her tone made the words more of a question, and she could tell from Ruby's face that she wasn't really seeing much truth behind them.

'I only had to tell him no half a dozen times,' she said. 'And even then his parting words were that he'd catch up with me at the party tomorrow. So yeah, not much hope of avoiding him.'

'We'll talk to Victor,' Killian offered. 'Get him to tell Neal he can't come.'

'Pretty sure Victor invited him.'

'Well we'll tell Victor that  _we_  can't come.' Ruby nodded, as if that settled it.

Emma raised her eyebrows at her, unimpressed, and turned that look to Killian when he appeared to be agreeing with Ruby. 'Don't be daft,' she told them. 'It's Victor's birthday and you're his girlfriend. And _you're_  his best friend,' she said to Killian, stealing another one of his chips and pointing it at him. 'Neither of you can just not go.'

'Well you can't be the only one that doesn't go,' Killian pointed out, finally swatting her away from his food.

She started on Ruby's instead. 'I won't be, because I'm going.' She grimaced, the food suddenly feeling dry in her mouth, and swallowed it down uncomfortably as she looked down at the table. 'I can't let him think that he still bothers me. He  _does,_  but not because I miss him or because I'm not over him. I need to let him know that he didn't break me.' Sighing heavily, she smiled guiltily and looked up at them reluctantly. 'All I have to do is find a date for tomorrow,' she said flippantly.

Faced with their confused looks, Emma quickly filled them in on the whole of her conversation with Neal, ending with the part where she might have told him that she had a boyfriend. Ruby thought it was hilarious but Killian looked at her askance. 'So you don't miss him and you're over him, but you felt the need to make him jealous.'

'I wasn't trying to make him jealous,' she said quickly. 'I just wanted to get him to back off and it was the first thing I thought of. Not that it worked.' Feeling better about Ruby's reaction, she focused on that instead. 'So Rubes. I didn't actually tell him that I had a boyfriend, I just told him I was seeing someone.' She leaned forward, grinning at Ruby and waggling her eyebrows at her suggestively. 'Will you be my girlfriend?'

Ruby burst out laughing. 'Of course, Emma, I thought you'd never ask!' she said dramatically, putting her hand over her heart.

Emma considered running with it just for the laugh, but then shook her head reluctantly. 'He'd never buy it,' she said. If he confronted her about it, she'd just have to say that he wasn't well, or he was away, or he lived elsewhere. Or, she could just suck it up and admit that she'd been lying, but she  _really_  didn't want to see his reaction to that. She knew that he'd assume the same thing as Killian, and she wished she hadn't said anything at all.

'I know!' Ruby said, clapping her hands together excitedly, and Emma almost didn't want to know what had put such a look on her face. She bit back a groan when she twisted in her seat to look at Killian. ' _You_  can be her boyfriend!'

Killian's eyes widened and he sat up straighter, hands spreading flat across the table. 'Don't be ridiculous,' he said, looking at Ruby in such a way that Emma was sure he was trying to convey something to her. 'Emma doesn't have to pretend to have boyfriend.'

Ruby rolled her eyes at him. 'Of course she does. Can you imagine how much shit Neal's going to give her if she rocks up without one? Are you going to make yourself the cause of that?'

'I'm not the cause of it. She doesn't need a boyfriend to convince him that she's fine without him.' He turned back to face Emma. 'You don't need a boyfriend to convince him that you're fine,' he repeated to her, his voice dropping slightly.

'Come on, it'll be fun,' Ruby said, slapping Killian on the arm to get his attention again. Killian held Emma's eyes for a few seconds, his mood clearly a lot more serious than Ruby's, but after a moment he looked away. 'And just think, it'll give you a reason to punch him in the face if he acts like a total dick,' she pointed out.

Emma looked between the two of them, caught between both of their points of view. She knew she didn't need to convince anyone of anything, but she'd still feel all kinds of embarrassed if Neal found out she'd lied to him. Killian was watching her again, exasperation mingling with concern in his eyes, and she smiled up at him apologetically, ignoring what Ruby was saying. 'Please?' she said quietly. 'Just until he leaves. Just for tomorrow night, really. I'll owe you a big one.'

He didn't answer straight away and she watched him carefully, trying to guess his response. Eventually he dropped his head to the table like she'd done earlier, but banged it against the surface a few times. 'Fine,' he groaned, and Emma laughed at the way Ruby's face lit up so completely. 'I hate you both,' he grumbled.

'This is going to be so much fun!' Ruby sang, reaching across the table again to shake her arm this time.

Emma snuck her other arm out and grabbed a hold of Killian's plate, slowly sneaking it closer to her. 'That's not a very nice thing to say to your new girlfriend,' she told him pointedly, and he raised his head to poke his tongue out at her. His face hardened comically when he saw her with his food, and she shrugged at him. 'It's not like you're eating it.' Remembering that she was on break, she looked up at the clock behind the counter and grimaced. 'I have to get back to work. Pick me up tomorrow at eight. All right, boyfriend?' she said cheekily to Killian.

'Yeah, yeah.'

'Call me if he hassles you before then,' Ruby said as Emma stood up, completely serious now.

Killian nodded, catching her gaze and holding it, all of his exaggerated frustration gone. 'If he even speaks to you,' he added, his eyes imploring her to seek them out if she needed them.

They might be idiots, but they cared about her. She nodded silently, smiling faintly at them before heading back to work.

* * *

Emma stared at her reflection in the floor length mirror, her lips puckered in thought. She knew that she didn't want to overdo it so the dark skinny jeans and black, studded halter top had been an easy decision, but not everything was so simple.

Dropping her weight to her other foot, she turned to look at her other side. Heels, or flats? She had one on each foot, unable to decide. The heels would look better and dress up her outfit a little, but the flats would be so much more comfortable...

'Would you hurry the bloody hell up, Swan? We were supposed to be there twenty minutes ago!'

'I'm coming,' she yelled back down the hall to Killian, but still hesitated a moment longer before pulling the ballet flat from her right foot and slipping it into the other heeled shoe. The party was only at Victor's house, she reasoned. There'd be couches there. Stuffing the flats into a plastic shopping bag, she took them with her as she left her bedroom, flicking the light off as she walked out - she'd leave them in Killian's car, just in case.

Killian jumped up from the couch as soon as she entered the lounge room, arching an eyebrow at her in annoyance, but the look in his eyes was playful. 'About time,' he said dramatically, his lips twitching.

She punched him in the arm as she walked past him, picking up her clutch from the couch. At least he was behaving like himself again, unlike at the diner the day before when he'd been far too serious about everything. She'd worried that the night would be incredibly awkward between the two of them after how he'd reacted to Ruby's idea, but if he was laughing about it now then at least they had a chance of having some fun with it.

The plan was for Killian to drive them there and then either talk someone into giving them a lift back to her house later, or just getting a taxi. He'd spent plenty of time on her couch before, and even a night or two in her bed. He was a closest friend, along with Ruby, although she often taunted him about how lame it was to be hanging out with his little sister's friend.

The thing was, although Ruby was her best friend, she'd found a kinship with Killian not long after they'd met that she hadn't been able to find with anyone else before. She'd grown up in the foster system, bouncing from one family to another until she was old enough to fend for herself, and it hadn't taken her long to figure out that Killian had been adopted. His mother had died when he was a child and his father had taken off soon after. His brother had tried to raise him for a little while, but when he'd died in a car accident, Killian had been moved from Ireland to the only family he had left - Ruby's parents.

They were technically cousins, but they'd grown up together, closer than siblings. When Emma had met Ruby at the start of high school, the three of them had quickly become friends.

There were no two people who she trusted more in the world. They were her family.

Even when they were being insufferable.

After locking the front door and slipping her keys into her bag, Emma followed Killian to his car. He danced around to the passenger side, opening the door for her with a little bow. 'Your chariot awaits, my love.'

She threw him a scowl before she climbed into the seat, not saying anything as he pulled out of her driveway and started heading to Victor's place. They sat in silence for a few minutes, the only sound the quiet hum of Killian's iPod. She didn't want to think about the night, certainly not about seeing Neal, so of course that was the only thing she could think about. He hadn't tried to see her since he'd left the diner yesterday, but she'd been waiting for him every time she rounded a corner.

'Stop it,' Killian said, making her jump slightly as he broke her from her thoughts. She frowned at him, not sure if he'd somehow been able to read her mind, and he glanced away from the road quickly to nod down at her hands, which were sitting in her lap. She hadn't even realized that she'd been picking at her nails, a bad habit of hers that she picked up whenever she was worried about something.

'You stop it,' she said back childishly.

He made a quiet sound of exasperation, keeping his eyes straight ahead. After a moment he took one hand from the wheel and covered both of hers with it, effectively stopping her from her picking. 'No, actually stop it. It's annoying me.' He was trying to sound irritated but there was no venom in his voice.

His large hand felt comforting over hers, and she was grateful when he left it there. 'I'm sorry,' she said reluctantly, glancing out the window awkwardly. 'This is stupid. The whole thing is stupid.'

'Well, yeah,' he admitted. 'Honestly, I don't understand the point of it at all. I mean, I get why you don't want to see him, but this is a bit extreme for you.'

She grimaced, grateful that he wasn't looking at her. 'I just want him to leave me alone, and I know he won't unless I give him a better reason to. He won't accept that I just don't want him back.'

' _Do_  you want him back?' Killian said slowly.

'No,' she said without hesitation, knowing with complete certainty that it was the truth. 'Maybe I just want to rub it in his face that I'm doing okay. I was a mess when he left -'

'I know.'

'And I need to show him that my happiness doesn't depend on him,' she continued, ignoring his interruption.

Killian was silent for a few seconds. 'Your happiness shouldn't depend on any man, Emma.'

He spoke so seriously, and she appreciated his words just as much as she wanted to lighten the mood. She hated how nervous she was, and that this night had turned into a drama about Neal rather than her enjoying herself at a friend's birthday - that she'd actually really been looking forward to. As if he somehow knew what she needed, Killian squeezed her hands a few times quickly. 'Hey, it's all right. I know why you're really doing this.'

Taken aback, she turned back to stare at him. 'What are you talking about?'

Glancing away from the road, he smirked at her. 'If you wanted to be my girlfriend, Emma, all you had to do was ask.'

Scoffing, she slapped his hand away from her. 'Get over yourself, Jones.'

He turned onto Victor's street and pulled up out the front of his house. Unbuckling his belt, he twisted his body to face her, throwing his arm around the back of her headrest. 'What do you say, Emma? Do you want to kiss for practice?' He bent his head toward her ridiculously slowly, closing his eyes and puckering his lips, even making kissing noises.

Laughing, she punched him in the arm and fled the car before he could get her back.

Letting themselves in the house, Emma and Killian yelled a general hello over low music and headed straight to the kitchen. She leaned against the bench as he started putting their drinks in the fridge, rearranging things so that he could fit in as much as possible. 'What happens afterwards?' she wondered aloud. He shrugged, and she watched absentmindedly as the material of his tight shirt stretched over his shoulders, only slightly less obvious for the vest he wore over it.

'I dunno. Have a fight and break up, I guess. It was your idea.'

'Actually, it was your sister's.' Frowning at his back, she worried her lower lip between her teeth. 'If we're together and we break up, we probably won't want to see each other. I don't want that.'

Killian paused, then pushed himself to his feet, closing the fridge door. Turning to her, he put his hands on her upper arms, and she had the urge to look away as soon as she knew she couldn't. He smiled at her reassuringly. 'It's okay, Emma,' he told her. 'We don't have to break up if you don't want to. Just know, however, that a man has certain...  _needs,_  and as my girlfriend -'

Groaning loudly, she pushed him away. 'You're such a pig.'

He wrapped his arm around her neck roughly. 'Stop worrying,' he laughed. 'It'll be fine, it's not going to change anything.'

'If it changed you to be less of an idiot, I wouldn't complain,' she said, accepting the beer that he handed her.

The look he gave her told her that she clearly should have known better. 'I'd expect it to get worse if I were you,' he said, resting his hand on her lower back and guiding her out of the kitchen. 'I'll have something to hold over you,  _and_  you owe me a favour.'

It started almost immediately. They found the others in Victor's lounge room, sitting in the couches or standing around them, a few people that Emma didn't know standing in front of the television, watching a sports game on mute. When the others saw them it was the general round of hellos and how are yous, Ruby giving them an exaggerated wink from the other side of the room.

Victor left her side and crossed the room to greet them. 'Happy birthday, mate,' Killian said, stepping away from her to clap him on the back. Emma took her turn, giving him a quick hug and wishing him a happy birthday as well. When they parted she felt Killian's arm return to her, slipping around her waist this time.

'Thanks, guys. I thought I heard you come in a few minutes ago.' Victor paused, narrowing his eyes at them slightly, glancing at Killian's hand on her hip and how close they stood together. Trying not to look awkward, she made herself relax into him. 'Hang on a second... Are you two...?'

Emma suppressed a groan, then put on a smile that she knew probably looked forced, but would pass for sarcastically cheerful. Killian didn't say anything, letting her take the lead. 'Yep,' she said. 'Guess so.'

Victor stood there for a few seconds, looking confused, before he turned around. 'Hey Ruby!' he called across the room. 'Why didn't you bloody tell me that Killian and Emma got together?'

The easy chatter in the room stilled suddenly, the only sound the hum of the background music, and Emma felt her cheeks warm instantly. She felt like she was on display, and realized that the whole night could potentially feel like this.

'Congrats, guys,' Mary Margaret said from the couch, breaking the silence.

'Um, thanks,' she said, smiling at Mary Margaret before turning to glare daggers at Ruby, who was grinning at her wickedly. The mood returned to what it had been, everyone's attention not so forcefully on them.

She felt Killian's arm tighten around her and looked up to see him bending down slightly toward her. 'Well that's the awkward part out of the way,' he said quietly.

'Huzzah,' she said, her voice dripping with mock enthusiasm, not entirely sure that he was right. Neal wasn't there yet, and she was hoping that things wouldn't go bad when he did. She had no doubt that he'd try to talk to her at least, no matter that she was there with someone else. 'I need to be drunker for this,' she muttered, lifting her beer to her lips and throwing her head back.


	2. Chapter 2

A little later, Emma headed toward the couch, squeezing in between Mary Margaret and the armrest. When she saw Killian moving for the footrest in front of her, she quickly put her feet up on it, smiling at him innocently at the look he shot her. 'What?'

Sighing heavily, he scooped his arm around her legs and lifted them, sitting on the ottoman and settling her feet on his lap. 'Fair?'

'I suppose,' she huffed, as though she were making a huge concession to him. Turning to Mary Margaret, she found her watching her thoughtfully and realized that their usual playful antics were probably going to be misconstrued, at least for the night. She thought better of the position and started to pull her legs away but he crossed his arms and settled them over her ankles, effectively tapping her against him.

Fine. Idiot.

Remembering the last conversation that she'd had with Mary Margaret, she reached across for her hand, grabbing it and pulling it toward her. 'Let me see, then,' she said, grinning.

She heard Killian start up a conversation with David, Mary Margaret's boyfriend, who sat on her other side. Emma blocked it out as background noise, assessing the ring on her friend's finger. 'I haven't told you congratulations in person yet, have I? This is gorgeous.'

'It is, isn't it?' Mary Margaret was beaming at her, clearly still riding the high of being recently engaged, but Emma was happy for her. She'd known her and David since they'd all started school together, and was incredibly proud of the fact that she'd had a hand in setting them up. Emma reminded her of that again. 'Which I'll be telling everybody at your wedding,' she added. 'I think Ruby was actually more excited than you are, by the way.'

'You know, I'm almost inclined to believe you,' Mary Margaret said, looking across the room to Ruby with an affectionate smile. 'I didn't even get a chance to ask her to be my maid of honour, she just jumped into the role.'

'She told me that she's already started planning your hens night.'

Her eyes widened. 'We haven't picked any dates yet! We haven't even planned anything!'

Finally, Emma found herself relaxing into the conversation, letting her dramas for the night fall to the back of her mind. It was a normal night, she was having a normal conversation with her close friends, it was fine and easy and  _fun._

'So,' Mary Margaret said eventually, and Emma's heart sank at the careful casualness of her tone. 'You and Killian, huh?'

She glanced quickly between the two of them, not really sure what to say. Killian didn't pause from his conversation with David but he moved one of his hands slightly so his fingers brushed against the top of one of her feet, his touch as comforting and reassuring as it was simple. It also showed her that he was listening. 'Yeah... Me and Killian.' She looked back to Mary Margaret, who was clearly waiting for more than that. 'It just kind of happened.'

She still didn't look quite satisfied, and she smiled sadly. 'I spoke to you not even last week. You didn't say anything.'

It wasn't dissatisfaction on Mary Margaret's face - was it disappointment?  _No, no, no._  She hadn't even  _considered_  how this game of theirs would affect anybody else, not like this. 'It's really recent,' she said hurriedly. 'No one else knows, really, except for Ruby but they live together, so of course she knows.' Emma looked away, feeling absolutely terrible. 'We didn't want to make a big deal about it,' she said honestly, 'it's awkward enough as it is.'

There was silence for a few seconds, and eventually she looked up, surprised and relieved to see understanding. 'I get it,' she said, shrugging. 'It was like that when David and I got together, except worse because you all thought it was hilarious and you were so smug about it.' She nudged her with her shoulder. 'Tell me what happened?'

She hesitated, not having a clue what to say, but she was saved from having to answer from Killian piping up, although she wasn't so enthused at what he said. 'Swan just couldn't resist my charms anymore,' he said, smirking at her.

He was  _not_ going to get away with that all night. 'You mean you couldn't keep your hands off of me anymore,' she said pointedly.

David groaned loudly. 'Great. You two are going to make each other worse.'

Mary Margaret turned her excited face to her boyfriend - fiance. 'I knew they'd end up together,' she told him. 'Didn't I say they had a thing for each other?'

Ignoring the cheeky smile on Killian's face, Emma kicked his hands away and stood up quickly. 'I'm going to hijack Victor's music,' she said, leaving before any of them could say anything.

More people had steadily been arriving until Emma wasn't entirely sure who was there and who wasn't. She knew most of the people that she could see, or at least recognized them, since Victor was not only Ruby's boyfriend but also Killian's best friend and they'd all spent plenty of time around each other for the last few years. She weaved through people, smiling and mumbling a hello as she went until she reached the other side of the room, where Victor's iPod was hooked up to his stereo.

She started thumbing through the tracks, biting her bottom lip in thought, trying to block out what Mary Margaret had said. She couldn't decide what part bothered her the most, and so was determined to not think about any of it.

'What's wrong with this song?'

 _Of course_ he'd followed her. She'd bet that he knew exactly how uncomfortable she was feeling, and had followed her just to taunt her with it. Without turning around, she kept her eyes on her task. 'I don't like it,' she said dismissively.

'What? You love this song.'

'No, I used to love this song. Now it's just incredibly overplayed.'

'You don't even listen to the radio.'

'Still.'

There was silence for a few seconds, and Emma reluctantly turned around, expecting to see frustration or at least exasperation on his face. Instead Killian was grinning at her. 'It's only overplayed because you overplayed it.'

She tried to glare at him, but they both knew that he was right; she did have a tendency to have the same songs on repeat until she couldn't stand them anymore. Faced with his steady, open look, she finally gave up. 'Fine. Whatever. You pick a song, then.'

' _I_ have no problem with what's playing,' he said, taking the iPod out of her hand and setting it back down on the stereo. 'And  _you_  need to stop worrying.'

'I'm not worrying,' she said automatically.

He raised his eyebrows at her. 'And now you're lying.' The amusement slowly left his face, replaced with concern. 'If you thought this was such a bad idea, why did you agree to it in the first place?'

'Clearly I didn't think it through very hard,' she mumbled. 'I just...' She sighed heavily. 'I shouldn't have even said anything to him and then I didn't want to look stupid, and now I think I feel even more stupid...'

She sighed again when his hand settled over her shoulder, his touch automatically calming her a little. 'Swan, it'll be fine. And just think, we're only -' he paused, raising his arm and looking at his watch dramatically, '- an hour in! It'll be over before you know it.' He chuckled at the glare she gave him. 'Do you need another drink?' he asked, squeezing her shoulder before letting his hand drop.

'Dear god, yes,' she said, handing him her empty bottle. Nodding to her, he stepped away toward the kitchen and she turned back to the stereo, more curious to see what else Victor had on the playlist than feeling the need to change the song. When the song changed, she started humming along quietly, mouthing to words to herself. Satisfied that Victor hadn't planned a whole heap of stupid music - she really did doubt his tastes sometimes - she turned around, intending to find what was taking Killian so long with her drink. Instead, she found herself walking straight into someone, bumping into him and almost knocking them both over. Hands grasped at her upper arms, steadying her, and they felt incredibly familiar.

And not in the good way.

Twisting to break his grip, she stepped back from Neal, resisting the urge to push him away from her. She kept her face carefully blank as she looked at him warily.

He was smiling at her as though he saw nothing awkward or strange about the situation. 'Careful there, Emma,' he said, and even though there was concern in his voice, she didn't believe it for a second. 'How much have you had to drink?'

She crossed her arms over her chest, wanting only to walk away and not deal with this at all, but she knew that he wouldn't stop bugging her until he got what he wanted. Unfortunately for both of them, she wouldn't be giving it to him. 'Not anywhere near enough to deal with you right now.'

He looked at her in surprise, as if he had no clue what she was talking about. 'Are you sure? You just stumbled right into me.'

She huffed in annoyance, his false obliviousness already getting on her nerves. 'You were standing right behind me. How was I supposed to not walk right into you?'

Neal didn't answer her right away, his eyes dipping down to wander over her. She shifted uncomfortably, his inspection sending a shiver down her spine, and hoped he wouldn't notice. After a moment he raised his head to meet her eyes. 'Where's your boyfriend?'

There was no avoiding it now. Lifting her chin and squaring her shoulders, she did her best to look confident. 'He's here. What's it to you?'

He shrugged. 'I couldn't care less, to be honest. I -'

'What do you want, Neal?' she interrupted him tiredly. She really just couldn't be bothered with this, wanted him out of her hair, wanted to go back to living her life without having to worry about him hassling her.

When he stepped closer to her, she was grateful that she'd worn the heels since he couldn't try and intimidate her by towering over her. He dipped his head slightly and she took half a step back, not wanting to show him that she felt uncomfortable but feeling very much so at his proximity. 'You know what I want,' he told her quietly, all traces of cheekiness and arrogance gone, leaving behind an earnestness that she might have believed if she hadn't closed herself off so completely to him and opened her eyes. 'I've missed you, Emma. You have no idea how much.'

She looked at him sceptically. 'You missed me? In between all of the foreign girls that you were banging from country to country?'

He actually had the audacity to look confused, and she wanted to slap him for it. 'Emma, it wasn't like that.'

'Really?' She feigned being shocked. 'I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood when you dropped me after I wasted two years of my life on you, with no other explanation. Tell me, Neal, what other reason would you have had?'

It had taken her a long time to get over Neal, but after she'd moved past her sadness she'd fallen hard and fast into anger and hadn't quite come up from it yet, not completely. She'd long since stopped caring for him and certainly didn't let him have any room in her heart anymore, but whenever he came up in conversation or her mind unexpectedly fell on him she couldn't help the twinge of resentment that she felt toward him. She knew it was because she'd never had the chance to turn that anger on him before, that by the time she'd embraced it he'd been long gone, probably barely a thought to him while he was off having the time of his life.

He'd missed her? Yeah, right.

Finally, he seemed to look a little apologetic, but it lasted for the barest second. 'I made a mistake when I left you behind, I know that now. I messed up. But now that I'm back, it would mean a lot to me to be able to make things better between us.'

Reaching out toward her, he tried to grab her arm but she jerked away, and he slowly dropped his hand. 'You're only back for a week,' she pointed out. 'I'm not interested in being somebody to warm your bed in the meantime. Not that it would be different if you were staying,' she added hastily.

Of course, he only heard what he wanted to, but the easy smile that spread over his face had what was probably the opposite reaction that he'd have wanted. Instead of leaving her a swooning mess for him like it would have a year ago, it only added to her anger, and she balled her hands into fists to stop them shaking. 'That's not what I want,' he told her, completely ignorant of just how much she was seething. 'Come on, Ems. Let me take you out to dinner tomorrow. We have heaps to catch up on. I can even -'

'Emma, there you are.' She jumped as an arm slipped around her waist, fingers digging into her hip, but as soon as she realized it was Killian she closed her hand over his, squeezing onto it like it was her lifeline. She was so tense that she hadn't even heard him approach, but he couldn't have picked a better moment. Actually, he could have been earlier, but she wasn't going to be overly picky.

Looking up at him, she felt her tension change when she saw the hardness in his eyes, almost concealed by the casual cheerfulness on his face. Drawing her comfort from him, she leaned into him, tucking herself into his side. After holding her gaze for a moment, he turned his head to smile at her ex-boyfriend. 'Hello, Neal. I didn't see you there.'

She took a deep breath, bracing herself before she looked back at Neal. It took him a minute, but it must have been the apprehension on her face that made him finally understand. He blinked at them quickly, withdrew slightly, clearly taken aback, looking from one to the other and back again. 'You've got to be kidding me.' Taking a step back, he finally put a decent amount of space between them, and Emma felt like she could breathe again.

'Pardon?' Killian said politely, the sudden fire in his eyes anything but.

Snorting, Neal shook his head. 'I don't believe this.  _He's_  your boyfriend?'

Killian stiffened beside her, his arm tightening around her and he took half a step forward, angling his body so that he was partially in front of her. Blocking her from Neal, she realized. 'Is there a problem, mate?' he said, lowering his voice until it sounded icy.

'Nah, we're fine,  _mate,'_  Neal said, chuckling and clapping him on the shoulder. 'This is great.' Laughing again, he shook his head in disbelief and turned away. Emma watched him for a few steps as he walked away, her heart pounding in her ears, before she could make herself relax. Slumping against Killian, she let him put his other arm around her shoulders and pull her against him. Pressing her forehead against his neck, she breathed in the mixture of him and his cologne, letting the familiarity sooth her. Squeezing her eyes shut, she breathed out heavily, still feeling on edge by the range of emotions she was feeling.

Only then did she realize how tense Killian was. His arms tightened around her slightly. 'You've no idea how much I want to punch him right now,' he growled.

She pulled away and he reluctantly loosened his grip, but kept both arms lightly around her waist. Taking his face in both of her hands, she forced him to look at her, simultaneously touched and worried by what she saw there. 'I do know, because I want to hit him, too. It doesn't matter. He can't hurt me anymore.'

She watched him swallow and a muscle in his cheek twitched. 'Perhaps not, but he is upsetting you. I was there when he left you, Emma. I helped you through all of that. I hate that he's back.'

Smoothing her thumbs over his cheeks, she tried to calm him down, a little glad that she had something other than her own anger to focus on. 'Me, too. But he'll be gone soon.'

He seemed to deflate a little, finally. Trying to lighten the mood, and wanting to not let Neal affect her night completely, she dropped her hands to his shoulders and nudged him slightly. 'Hey. Where's my drink?'

He barked a laugh and even though it wasn't as cheerful as she'd hoped, at least it was something. 'I ran into Robin on the way to the kitchen and was chatting to him for a few minutes. When I glanced over, _he_  was cornering you, and -' He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, looked down at her again. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you alone for so long.'

She rolled her eyes, and his lips twitched at her habitual reaction. 'You're not my keeper, Killian. I just hope he's done for the night.'

His lips drew down into a hard line, and she agreed with what he must have been thinking - of course he wasn't done. But she wasn't going to hide behind anybody all night, or at all. She'd worked hard to move on from how she'd felt about Neal, that the person who she'd been sure that she was going to spend her life with wasn't actually the person that she thought he was at all, and she'd come out stronger at the other end. Did he really think that she was going to just jump straight into bed with him?

Killian was right - he'd been there for her through all of it, despite having problems with his now-ex-girlfriend, Milah, and she didn't know what she would have done without either him or Ruby. She squeezed his shoulders gently, not really sure how to thank him for... well, everything.

His face softened slightly, and it was only then that she realized how close they were standing to each other. His arms still encircled her waist, his head slightly lowered, her face turned up to his. With the added height of her heels, that put them at an almost equal height, which left only a few inches between them. It felt so  _intimate._

He was certainly playing his part well.

Clearing her throat, Emma stepped back out of his arms. 'Come on,' she said, taking his hand and pulling him toward the kitchen. 'Let me remind you where the kitchen is, since you seemed to get lost so easily before.' Hearing him snort behind her, she hoped that his mood had balanced out again.

Ruby was in the kitchen, sitting next to Graham on a stood at the breakfast bar, and as soon as they entered the room she grinned up at them. 'There you are! I was just telling Graham about the two of you.'

Emma groaned loudly but otherwise ignored Ruby, saying hello to Graham, who was another friend from school, and heading straight to the fridge. She took out two beers and held one out for Killian, but drew her hand back before he could take it. 'A lesson for today,' she told him solemnly, trying not to pay attention to his sudden smirk. 'This is where Victor's fridge is. Inside the fridge is the beer. Emma requires lots of beer tonight, so try not to get lost again.'

'Yeah, yeah.' Reaching further, he took the beer from her and turned to lean against the counter. 'The jerk has made an appearance,' he said to Ruby and even though he still didn't sound happy, he was at least a lot calmer than before.

His sister sat up straighter and frowned, opening her mouth to no doubt ask what had happened, but Emma didn't want to keep talking about Neal. 'And he didn't have anything to say that we didn't expect,' she said quickly, lifting herself up to sit on the counter next to where Killian was standing. 'So we're not going to make a big deal about it.' Ruby looked about to protest but she held her gaze until she closed her mouth, hoping that she'd understand that she didn't want to make a big deal about it, especially in front of Graham.

Ruby looked frustrated for a few seconds, then a grin spread quickly over her face that Emma dreaded immediately. 'So, you two,' she said. 'How's your first date going?'

_Bitch._

Resisting the urge to glare at her, she plastered a smile on her face, aware that Ruby would know just how forced it was. 'This isn't a date, Ruby.'

'Of course it is! He picked you up, you came together. It's clearly a date.'

Killian laughed, probably at her frustration, and she scowled at him before turning back to Ruby to tell her, basically, to shut up, but she stopped when she saw the way Graham was looking between her and Killian, clearly assessing their new dynamic. 'Hang on. You haven't even taken her on a date yet?' he said to Killian, holding his hands up dramatically. Of course, absolutely everybody was finding the need to tease them for this.

Killian rubbed at his jaw, not entirely hiding from her the smirk that he sent the other two. 'Well, I did have lunch with her yesterday.'

Ruby scoffed. 'That wasn't a date,  _I_ was there.'

'Hmm,' Graham said seriously, then winked at her. 'I'll allow it.'

'See?' Killian said to Ruby. 'It counts. You're a horrible third wheel, by the way,' he told her, turning his head to smirk at Emma, then his face lit up. 'This means we've been on  _heaps_  of dates. I'm a pretty great boyfriend, aren't I, love?'

'The best,' she deadpanned, which only caused him to grin at her wider.

When Graham chuckled, she turned that look to him, and he frowned comically before looking to Ruby. 'They're only going to be worse than usual now, aren't they?'

'You've got no idea,' Ruby said, wide-eyed. 'They've been horrible in public, with all this sarcastic banter, but at home, ugh. They can't keep their hands off each other.' She lowered her voice to a stage-whisper. 'I had to sleep with earplugs in last night, and my bedroom's not even next to his.'

Horrified, Emma glanced at Killian but he just shrugged at her unhelpfully. He was trying to hide a smirk but she could see the laughter in his eyes.  _And she couldn't even deny it._  Turning, she glared at Ruby, throwing as much venom as she could to her. 'I'm going to kill you,' she said sweetly, baring her teeth in a semblance of a smile.

'I love you too, sweetie,' Ruby said back, while Graham laughed at them, shaking his head.

'Swan in the kitchen with the rolling pin,' he chuckled, and the others fell silent, each of them looking at him blankly. The smile dropped from his face slowly, and he frowned in confusion. 'What?'

'What, yourself?' Killian said. 'Are you trying to do Cluedo?'

Graham shrugged uncomfortably. 'Well, obviously.'

'Then you're failing miserably,' Emma told him, jumping in with the hope of steering the conversation  _far_  away from her and Killian. 'There's no rolling pin in Cluedo. What are you supposed to do with a rolling pin?'

'Bash them on the head with it, clearly,' he said.

She stared at him, not entirely sure that he wasn't joking, but he was looking right back at her with so much bewilderment on his face that he had to be serious. 'You're sure?'

'Of course.'

'Fair enough.' Lifting her beer to her lips, she drank the rest of it, moving slowly and deliberately as she set the empty bottle on the counter and jumped down from it. Taking another beer from the fridge, she turned back to the others, looking carefully at Killian, then Ruby, before finally looking at Graham again. 'Fifty bucks says you're wrong,' she sang out, before darting out of the kitchen.

She heard Graham curse behind her, combined with laughter from Killian and Ruby, then quick footsteps behind her as he ran after her. She quickly regretted not kicking her heels off first as she ran for Victor's spare room, where she knew he kept his fantastic collection of board games, but she still got there before Graham did, if only just. Pulling open the cupboard where they were kept, her eyes darted over the different boxes before they landed on the green box.

Grabbing the box, she pulled it out from between the others and dropped to the floor, just as Graham caught up with her. He fell to the ground at her side, elbowing at her and trying to grab the box but she wouldn't let it go, and finally got the lip off, even if they nearly tore the cardboard in the process. She couldn't stop laughing but she still managed to grab the little plastic bag that contained the game pieces and tipped them onto her hand.

Graham tried to knock them out of her hand but another hand grabbed his wrist before he could, and Emma only laughed harder when she realized that Killian was helping her. Even though she knew that of course there wasn't a rolling pin, her eyes darted over the pieces. 'Aha! Pay up, Humbert!'

'It doesn't count unless I agreed to it!'

'I'll allow it,' Killian mimicked, and Graham groaned as he let him go. 'A rolling pin, Graham? Really?'

Emma put the pieces back into their bag and put the lid back onto the box, standing up to return it to its home. 'Don't be a sore loser,' she chided him.

When she turned back to him, hand extended triumphantly for her winnings, he wasn't looking as perturbed as she'd hoped for. Instead, there was a gleam in his eye and he nodded toward the stack of games in the cupboard. 'How about I play you for it?'

She wanted to deny him, but she knew that it wasn't entirely fair for her to push for the money since she hadn't actually let him have a chance to agree to the bet. 'Fine, but Ruby picks the game,' she said.

Ruby had been standing at the door, watching them fight like children, but now she sauntered into the room, walking between them and coming to a stop in front of the games. Reaching out, she trailed a finger down the line of boxes. 'I'll pick a game,' she said carefully, 'as long as everyone has shots before hand.'

Emma and Graham eyed each other for a moment before they both nodded. It couldn't be that bad, surely. She was confident that being a little more tipsy wouldn't hinder her too much with a  _board game._

Or maybe it could. Ruby selected a box and pulled it from the pile, holding it proudly out in front of her, and Emma didn't need to look at her face to know that she wore a big, fat, smug grin.

Twister.

Damn it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note here regarding Twister. When I played as a kid we played so that each person had their own spin of the board, so each person would move separately, and it wasn't until I'd already started writing this that I googled it and found out that the actual rules are different. So let's just pretend that they're playing house rules.

'Emma, right hand red.'

Emma squeezed her eyes shut, wondering if the world was spinning so much because of the amount she'd drunk, first from Ruby's shots and then from her beers in between games, or whether it was from going from one awkward position to another. Her legs were crossed tightly, her body stretched across the mat with both of her hands on blue, and she realized that the move that Ruby had called to her would either make it worse, or a lot better.

Opening her eyes, she glanced to the left and was grateful that all of the red dots were still currently free. She could twist her right arm under her body to get to one, but that would leave her arms crossed in the same way that her legs were.

Gathering herself, she pushed off with her right hand, flipping herself so that she was facing upwards. Her legs straightened out and her right hand landed on a red circle, and she lifted herself carefully to make sure her butt was nowhere near touching the ground. Her arms were getting sore - they'd been playing on and off for the best part of an hour - but hopefully she could hold the position for the next few minutes.

She'd won the first game, even after Ruby had liquored them right up, much to Graham's chagrin. By the time the game had finished they'd had an audience who wanted to join in, and had proceeded to rotate through players since then.

Looking to the left, she watched as Ruby flicked the spinner again. 'Killian, left hand red.'

She looked quickly to Killian, who lifted his left hand from the green circle and considered his options. His right hand was on a yellow dot next to hers on the blue, and his feet down the other end of the mat.

Most of the red spaces were free, yes, but all of them were on her other side or underneath her. She saw the moment that Killian realized this, and rolled her eyes at the way he smirked at her.

'Don't you dare knock me over,' she warned him darkly.

He just winked at her, before leaning over her carefully, lowering his left hand onto the red dot below hers. Most of his body covered hers now, his head hovering above hers. 'Comfortable, love?'

Emma shifted her leg, trying to ease some of the tension in it, and accidentally brushed it against Killian's. He looked down at her quickly again, smiling faintly, and she wondered whether he was bothered about being so close to her, even after they'd been hanging onto each other for most of the night so far.

'Graham, right hand red.'

Ruby's words broke Emma from her thoughts and she turned her head to try and watch Graham. Graham's left hand still wasn't in play, so he was able to stand up straight to assess the situation, and Emma immediately resented him the chance to stretch his legs. He was silent for a few seconds but then started to laugh, and it didn't take her long to figure out why.

Both of his feet were on green dots, one on either side of Killian's right foot, and the only way that he could reach any of the red spaces would be to lean right over the top of the both of them.

This was not going to end well.

'Just get on with it, Humbert,' she groaned, knowing that the attempt was likely to knock them all down, or at least leave Killian in an interesting sandwich.

'Get on with what?' Killian asked. She turned back to him and only then realized that he hadn't taken his eyes off of her. She blinked quickly, taken aback and not sure why.

'Can you two squish down a bit?' she heard Graham say, and Killian finally looked away.

He quickly caught up with the situation and laughed. 'Helping you defeats the purpose. Just make your move already.'

Emma was only half listening, her thoughts lagging a few seconds behind, still focused on the way that Killian had looked at her just before. She just had time to wish he'd look back at her so she could see it again when he did turn his head back to her, and she almost wished that he hadn't. Despite his protests, he felt suddenly a lot closer, just inches between their bodies. She could feel his breath against her face and smell his cologne in the air.

She blinked up at him, confused by the sudden heat flooding her body, but didn't have time to let the feeling sink in too deeply. Graham's body fell over them, his hands landing on the mat on the other side of them. Killian's body jerked down slightly, coming flush with hers for a second, and she heard his breath catch before he pushed back up, putting a few inches of space between them once again. 'Bloody hell, Graham!'

'Sorry, I just - oh crap.'

Killian's body fell hard against hers, knocking her down. Her arms gave out and her body hit the ground, the carpet an insignificant cushion through the thin plastic mat, and the combination of that and how heavily Killian landed on top of her forced the air from her lungs. Killian lay atop of her, with Graham sprawled across them sideways. There was a weight on her chest that was heavier than the two men on top of her, and she gasped in her breaths quickly to try and ease it.

'Is this what I think it is?' she heard Ruby say with far too much excitement.

'Pile on Swan!' Victor cried.

' _No!_ ' Killian grunted, trying to push Graham off but he wasn't quick enough. She wasn't sure who jumped on them first but for some reason the weight started to feel  _less,_ and she realized that Killian had managed to prop himself up on his elbows before anyone else could pile on top of them, holding most of the weight off of her. His legs and hips still weighed heavily against hers, with one of his legs pressing hard between hers incredibly inappropriately, but he was managing to keep a few inches between their upper bodies - and save her from getting crushed.

She had no idea how he'd reacted so quickly after how much they'd drunk, but after a few seconds she managed to bring her hands up, one holding onto his side and the other pressing against his chest, trying to support him as much as she could. Finally meeting his eyes, she was surprised to find that same intense look on his face. He looked so serious, and it was at such complete odds with the situation, that she couldn't help the grin that slowly spread across her face.

It was then that everyone else's laughter came to her ears and she realized that she'd been somehow stuck in her own little world, and that only added to the absurdity of everything. Killian's arms trembled and instead of worrying about him, or trying to fight her way out of their close proximity, she stopped holding back the laughter that had been threatening to bubble up and out of her.

Killian frowned at her as she started to giggle - yes, straight up giggle - then smiled at her faintly. The uncertainty on his face only set her off further, and it was right then that someone else must have flung themselves upon the pile of bodies on the Twister mat, for Killian's arms gave out, his elbows sliding forward and his body falling back against hers with a loud  _oomph_  leaving him.

She only laughed harder, despite feeling like she was going to be squashed against the ground, that there was no room to breathe or move, and after a moment Killian started to chuckle above her. His head was beside hers, his cheek against her neck and his chin at her shoulder, his body pressed entirely against hers and her hands trapped between them now that he'd fallen, and as he started to laugh she could feel every movement as he shook against her. He felt hard and firm, and she had no idea why that surprised her - he'd always been the athletic type, had always kept fit. Maybe it was just that she'd noticed, or that there was no other option  _but_  to notice considering the position they were in, but she was acutely aware of every part of him pressed against every part of her.

And it was too much. The laughter had died on her lips and she started to squirm, feeling claustrophobic all of a sudden, needing to get out and put some space between them. Killian noticed the change in her mood as instantly as it had altered, and started fighting again to push the others off them. 'All right, all right, the fun part's over.' No one moved, caught up in their own amusement, and Killian's face hardened. 'Come on guys, you're hurting her.'

The words were mostly a lie but they worked, and after a few seconds and a few squeals as people rolled or were pushed off of them, Killian rolled off of her enough that she could slide out from underneath him. She scrambled to her feet, not bothering to find her shoes as she headed quickly to the door.

'Emma!' Ruby called, darting into the hallway after her. She grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn around and look at her, and even though all Emma wanted for the minute was some space, she let her friend stop her. 'Are you all right?'

Emma took a deep breath - she felt the need to steady herself, and the fact that she couldn't understand why was what bothered her the most. She thought she knew why, but it didn't make any sense. It had felt strangely good to have Killian's body pressing so hard into hers, and it hadn't felt like the normal friendly way that they usually shared space. It had felt like... heat.

This stupid ruse was getting to her.

'I'm fine,' she said eventually, just as Killian caught up to her. He stopped beside her, his hand resting on her back comfortingly.

'Are you -'

'I'm fine,' she repeated, her voice dryer this time. 'It was just really cramped in there.'

Ruby raised her eyebrows at her. 'No shit. We were playing Twister, what did you expect?'

Ruby's sarcasm helped to settle her in a way that she hadn't been able to do herself just before. Feeling a little more normal, Emma rolled her eyes to emphasize her point. 'Whatever. Come on, let's find another drink.'

Linking her arm through Ruby's, she took a step toward the kitchen but hesitated when Killian did. He looked between them carefully. 'I was going to catch up with Victor for a minute. Will you be all right for a little while?'

The look of concern in his eyes when he looked at her would have annoyed her, if it were anyone else. She shook her head at him in exasperation. 'Really? You think I'll fall apart if you leave me alone?'

The worry lingered for a moment before his face relaxed and he winked at her. 'A man can only hope, Swan,' he told her, before swaggering away. Actually  _swaggering_.

She turned back to Ruby, who was grinning at her. 'Your brother is insufferable,' she said, tugging her toward the kitchen.

'Mhm,' Ruby said vaguely.

The two of them found a bottle of tequila that Ruby said she was fairly sure belonged to Victor, and when they couldn't find shot glasses they didn't much mind just swigging from the bottle. They decided to stay in the kitchen for a while as opposed to sharing their find, and sunk down to the floor side by side, leaning back against the breakfast bar. 'So, how are you and Victor doing?' she asked, realizing that it had probably been a little while since she'd had a chance to talk to her when Killian wasn't there. Ruby and Killian were better friends than most siblings, but there were still some things that Emma knew Ruby wouldn't want to share with her brother.

Her friend shrugged, smiling at her easily. 'To be honest, we're doing really well. Considering I didn't take him seriously when he first asked me out, since I thought he was just picking on Killian's little sister.' She laughed, and handed Emma the bottle. 'I told you that he got into med school, didn't I? He has to go away to study, but we've already organized time for me to visit him.'

Emma took a swig, grimacing at the burn down her throat, then frowned when she realized that Ruby had fallen silent. She nudged her slightly, encouraging her to speak her mind, and after a moment she sighed. 'All right, fine. Am I stupid for being  _a little_  bit worried about him going away?'

She put her arm around her shoulders, sliding closer to her. 'No. But yes. It's normal to worry about it, but Victor adores you.' She smiled, knowing the truth of her words. 'The last thing you need to worry about is him running off on you.'

'It's not that I think he's going to run off with someone else,' Ruby said quickly, taking the tequila and running her finger over the lip of the bottle. 'It's just the distance...'

'It won't be forever,' she told her, rubbing at Ruby's arm. 'You've got phones and Skype and everything. At least you're giving it a shot.' Her breath caught and her body tensed as she realized just what she was saying.

Ruby realized as well. Tucking the bottle between her legs, she reached across and took her opposite hand, twining their fingers together. 'I'm sorry that you didn't have this,' she said quietly.

Emma swallowed the lump in her throat, leaning her head against Ruby's shoulder. She didn't resent Ruby her happiness, not at all, but she did feel a little bitter at the ease with which the two of them had decided to give the long distance thing a go.

'There's nothing to be sorry for,' she said heavily. 'You guys have a normal relationship. I'm better off without Neal. Much better off.'

Ruby squeezed her hand. 'Are you all right with him here? How are you doing tonight?'

She shrugged, surprised at how calm she actually did feel about the situation. There was something about the way that they were hiding in the kitchen, feeling the coolness of the tiles on her feet, that relaxed her and made her feel a little apart from the situation. 'Mostly I just feel awkward. I feel uncomfortable around him. I don't want to be nasty to him, but I don't want to encourage him, and anything in between he still takes as encouragement.'

'It's more fun that they don't take no for an answer when you don't really mean no, isn't it?'

She laughed, and it mostly didn't feel forced. 'Pretty much. I'm trying not to let him get to me, but I think I feel angry at him,' she admitted. 'Not for leaving, because I moved on from that a long time ago, trust me. I just... I want him to go away, and for me to not have to think about him ever, ever again.' Removing her hand from Ruby's, she took the bottle of tequila and tossed back a mouthful, grimacing again and wishing that she'd grabbed a beer from the fridge. She thought back to how supportive Killian had been earlier when he'd helped her with Neal, and about that strange look on his face earlier. He was looking out for her, and it felt good to have that support. 'Killian's been helping,' she said lightly.

Ruby snorted. 'I bet he is.'

Leaning back, Emma frowned at her curiously. There was a hint of smugness in her voice that she didn't quite understand. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

Ruby grinned at her, but was saved from answering as footsteps announced someone entering the kitchen. Victor poked his head around the counter, moving so quickly that he was already backing away before he noticed them, and did a weird double take, stumbling awkwardly as he came back into sight. Emma gave Ruby a long, hard look before she turned back to Victor, but found nothing but amusement on her face.

'There you are,' he was saying, reaching down to grab Ruby's hand. 'Come on, David wants to catch up.'

She let him help her to his feet as Killian appeared around the corner as well. 'You too, Swan. On your feet.'

She groaned loudly, curling up around the tequila. 'Can't I just stay here where it's quiet?'

'Not if I can't,' he said, his voice far too chipper, but she couldn't help but smile. 'Don't be so antisocial,' he teased.

'Yeah well, you stop being so... pro-social,' she grumbled, struggling as he tried to grab her hand to pull her up. He settled on her arm and pulled at her, and after a moment she stopped being difficult and let him help her to her feet. 'I'm taking this with me,' she warned him, waving the bottle of tequila at him.

She pouted at him when he pried it out of her hand, turning around and finding the lid where they'd left it on the bench. 'How about we hide it, and save it for later?' he suggested with a wink, opening one of the low cupboards and setting it down next to a stack of plates. 'Make the party last, love.' He noticed when she hesitated, wanting to figure out Ruby's comment before they rejoined the fun and madness, and stopped them, bending his head slightly to put himself in her line of vision. 'Emma? Are you sure you're all right?'

Damn him for being so perceptive. He probably thought she was still worrying about Neal, and she didn't want to be thinking about thinking about Neal. She smiled, or grimaced, or something in between. 'Yeah. Just thinking about how better off I am.'

He looked at her, just looked at her, then smiled after a moment. 'That's the spirit,' he said, and she wondered whether he wasn't pushing her for it because he knew that she'd rather enjoy the night than talk about it. He gave her a quick one armed hug, and when he pulled back he kept his arm loosely around her waist. 'Come on then, let's see what David wants.'

It turned out that David's need of them was their assistance in educating Regina's new boyfriend in their antics over the years. Regina was another friend from school, albeit one that had taken a bit more warming up to at first. Emma had always thought of her as snobbish and distant until she'd been forced to work with her on a project and realized that she was only so because of the pressure her mother kept her under to perform well. After that, Emma had encouraged her friends to give her a chance as well, and she'd fitted in surprisingly well, even if she did spent a lot of her time rolling her eyes at their antics.

Which had only been more fun when she'd introduced them to her new boyfriend a few weeks ago, and they'd discovered that Robin was as big of a child as the rest of them were.

A few drinks, a few stories, lots of laughter, and lots of embarrassment on Regina's behalf later (seriously, she'd have so much more fun if she just accepted it like the rest of them did) Emma and Killian were finally able to steal a seat not too far away from the main conversation, but she didn't overly mind the bit of distance. Her head had started spinning again a little, and it was a relief to sit down. Killian's arm slung across the back of her seat and she threw her head back against it, closing her eyes for a second, a small smile on her face. This was the perfect combination of fun and relaxed that she'd been hoping for all night, and she let herself just sit back and enjoy everyone's stories and Regina's frustration.

Killian had just finished comparing muck up day stories with Robin - reminding her just how glad she was that she hadn't been in his year at school - and the conversation centred on the other side of the group as David started talking about the things that they'd gotten up to in their year. Killian leaned back, tightening the arm that had dropped over her shoulders a little more. He lowered his head, his cheek pressing against hers and his lips brushing against her ear as he spoke in a whisper. 'Neal's watching us. Did you still want to give him a show?'

 _Give him a show?_  She blinked in confusion as he moved back slightly, and when she saw his eyes they were sparkling with mischief. He leaned forward slowly, his free hand coming up to run the back of his fingers against her cheek, and she finally realized what he intended. His nose brushed against hers affectionately and she knew he was hesitating, giving her the choice.

She sat frozen, her blood pumping loudly in her ears. All she could smell was him, all she could feel was his warm breath against her lips. She wondered where Neal was - she hadn't seen him but she didn't doubt that he was lurking there somewhere - but thinking of Neal in that moment felt awkward, and dirty. Closing her eyes, she focused on the soft touch of Killian's hand on her cheek, on the way that it seemed to relax her more than anything else had done so far that night.

 _We shouldn't_ , she thought, but in that same moment he started to pull away and before she realized what she was doing, she grabbed his vest with one hand, curling the other around his neck and pulling him back toward her.

His lips pressed against hers firmly and she felt his body tense as he sucked his breath in with surprise. After a moment he let it out roughly, his hand sliding around to twist into her hair. He leaned into her and although she felt overwhelmed, she also felt  _good_. His lips parted and his tongue traced along the seam of her lips, testing her, and she parted them without thought, deepening the kiss and feeling a thrill run through her at the faint sound of approval he made. His arm dropped to her waist, pulling her closer to him but she barely noticed, too caught up in how good he tasted and how well he kissed her.

Someone whistled loudly, breaking her from her thoughts. 'Whoa! Get a room, you two. This is  _weird._ '

Victor's voice brought her back to reality and she jerked away from Killian, her hand flying up to cover her mouth, staring at him with wide eyes. Her heart was pounding and her breaths coming heavy, and she wasn't sure if it was because she'd forgotten that she needed air or if it was the thrill of the situation, but Killian looked like he was in the same state. His lips twitched, and without missing a beat he tucked her closer to his side. 'Are you offering yours?' he said loudly to Victor, breaking any awkwardness in the room for probably everyone but Emma.

She pressed her cheek hard against Killian's chest, letting him deal with everyone else and after a moment they returned to their own conversations. Her thoughts were a whirlwind in her head but she tamed them long enough to sweep her eyes across the room and sure enough, there was the back of Neal's head as he disappeared into the kitchen.

She wasn't sure why it was so important to her that Killian had kissed her like that only for Neal's sake.

Her lips were still tingling and his arm around her shoulders seemed to be burning against her, and for once she didn't know whether she should pull him closer to accept his comfort or push him away, and the fact that she even considered pushing him away scared her most of all.

Because she only pushed people away when she thought they could hurt her.

Killian nudged his chin against her shoulder. 'Hey. Are you -'

'Fine,' she said quickly, knowing where he was going before he even got the words out. 'I'm fine. I just - bathroom,' she managed, pulling out of his grip and fleeing the room.

There was a heaviness building in her chest that she needed space to deal with, and when she found people waiting to use the bathroom she went back to the spare room instead. The game of Twister had been abandoned but the mat was still spread out on the ground. Stepping around it, she perched herself on the edge of Victor's desk, resting her feet on the office chair in front of it. Groaning lightly, she wrapped one arm around her stomach and rested her forehead on her other hand, threading the tips of her fingers in her hair and squeezing them slightly.  _What the hell was that?_  All of her nerves felt on edge and she felt sick, actually sick from uncertainty.

It wasn't  _normal_  for a kiss with a friend to feel so good. But then, it wasn't normal for a friend to kiss you like that, either. And she'd kissed him back with just as much fervour, because  _she'd enjoyed it._  And that was absolutely, one hundred percent, something that she shouldn't have done. It was the same heat that she'd felt earlier, that had made her run from him after the Twister game.

'Funny looking bathroom.'

Emma squeezed her eyes shut, gathering herself before she made herself look up at the person standing in the doorway. Killian leaned casually against the door frame, arms folded across his chest, but she could see the concern clearly in his features. He was staring at her intently, reading her like he always did, and right now that was the last thing she wanted.

'Why did you follow me?' she asked tiredly.

He was silent for a moment, then he pushed off from the door and took a few steps toward her. 'You looked like you were freaking out,' he said carefully. 'I wanted to make sure you were all right.'

Frustration built up quickly inside of her, and she sat up straighter, lowering her hands to grip the edges of the desk. 'You shouldn't have done that,' she told him tightly.

'Followed you?'

'Kissed me.'

His guard went up as quickly as she said it, closing himself off as quickly as she had earlier. She watched his body stiffen, and he swallowed before he spoke. 'This is what you wanted, Emma.'  _No. Not_ this. She jumped off of the desk, intending to leave the room but he walked right up to her, blocking her way. 'I asked you what you wanted, and  _you_  kissed  _me._ '

She looked up at him, her brow furrowed, feeling absolutely torn. He was right, she had kissed him,  _but she hadn't expected to enjoy it._  He shouldn't have suggested it, he shouldn't have baited her because damn it, he knew her and he knew that she wouldn't have backed down from a challenge. She settled on that anger, that irritation, because it was a lot safer than the other side of her thoughts. 'It was a bad idea,' she told him curtly.

Killian's eyes hardened, but she saw the flicker of hurt in them before they did. 'Then I apologize for offending you,' he said flatly, before turning and walking for the door.

It wasn't until she was alone in the spare room that she regretted what she'd said, and how she'd said it, because no matter what she was feeling, he didn't deserve to have it taken out on him.

'What the hell is going on?' she muttered to herself, rubbing at her face with both of her hands and wishing she had some clue of where to start.


	4. Chapter 4

The sounds of the party - laughter and music and oblivious  _fun_  - were loud and strong, and Emma had no desire to join her friends again just yet. There was a rough, twisting feeling growing larger and larger in her gut, a blend of confusion and guilt and uncertainty, and she... she just needed a few minutes.

Closing the door almost all of the way for a semblance of privacy without blocking herself off completely, she slumped down with her back against the wall, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them as though if she held on tightly enough, maybe she could hold herself together. That fight - was it a fight? - had sobered her up a little too much, but it wasn't a drink that she wanted to dull her thoughts or calm her down. She wanted Ruby, with her warm eyes and conspiring smile, cracking a joke and taking her mind off of it, making her forget about her problems. She wanted Killian, her friend, the person who she trusted more than anyone, who looked at her like he knew her deepest secrets, even the few that she hadn't told him. All he wanted was for him to join her on the ground, wrap an arm around her shoulder, pull her into his familiar warmth. She didn't want to lose that. Not because of this.

She closed her eyes for a second and could still feel his lips pressed against hers. Could still taste him on her tongue. And she knew that whatever they'd had before was irrevocably broken.

She'd never pretended that he wasn't attractive, or that she wasn't physically attracted to him, but she'd always internally argued the point that she would have been blind to think otherwise, and stupid not to admit it. It was just like she knew with the same surety that Ruby was good looking; there was nothing wrong with recognizing that in other people.

She'd always been able to find comfort in his arms, but that was just how it had always been. It was the logical combination of being with someone that she trusted, and his basic maleness that made her feel so at ease with him. They hugged each other all the time, held each others' hand, she'd lie with her legs across his lap on movie night, and that was just because they were comfortable in their friendship and appreciated the sameness that they had. There was no nervousness, no awkwardness, no spark. it was just them.

But there had been a spark in that kiss. She'd felt it reverberate through her body like an awakening, one she didn't want to have. Because with that spark, she felt a pulling at her heart that cried more, an urge to give in and take everything, let him have everything that she was. That feeling hadn't yet gone away, and she knew that shed messed up, worse than she could have imagined.

Things were perfect with Killian the way that they were. She didn't want to want him. She didn't want things to change. Because the last time that she let somebody in like that was the reason for this whole mess tonight. She'd closed herself off so completely after Neal had broken her heart and she was fine with that, she didn't need anything more. If she started thinking of Killian in a romantic sense, then she was going to start wondering how soon it would be before he left her as well.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed her forehead against her knees, pushing those thoughts away. She was being stupid, letting the heat of the moment get to her. All she had to do was to step back, to focus and remember what was going on. She didn't have feelings for Killian, certainly not like that, and he didn't either. They were getting lost in their ruse, and she had to find him and apologize for getting so worked up. It hadn't meant anything, and nothing was going to change.

Sighing heavily, she gave herself a few more moments before pushing herself to her feet and stepping toward the door. Killian would either be distracting himself with the party, or else sulking in private like she was, but she'd be able to find him easily enough. Just as she reached the door, however, there was a body blocking it, one arm stretched across the entrance to block her way.

'Brooding, are we?'

Neal's tone was teasing, but there was a darkness in his eyes that she knew to mean that he'd drunk too much and wasn't handling it too well. The fact that he was standing in her way combined with her already conflicted thoughts tipped her frustration just the tiniest bit too far, and she crossed her arms over her chest defensively, scowling at him. She'd known that he was going to be a hassle tonight, but she wasn't in the mood to play it like it wasn't bothering her. 'What do you want, Neal?'

He stepped into the room and even though she wanted to back away from him, to put as much distance between them as she could, she held her ground. A thin smile stretched across his face but she didn't believe it for a second. 'I just thought I'd come and check on you. It looked like you and your  _boyfriend_  had sneaked off for a little something, but that look on his face when I saw him just now says differently.' His smile deepened, the smugness there the first real thing that she saw on him. 'Trouble in paradise?'

Yes, because  _this_  is exactly what she needed right now. 'It's fine, and it's none of your business,' she said shortly, tensing as he took another step closer.

'Speaking of Killian -'

'Neal, I don't -'

'I always knew there was something going on between you two.'

Her eyebrows shot up, surely to her hairline, and she stared at him in surprise. 'What are you talking about? We've only just gotten together.'

He stepped forward again, eyes narrowing, and she couldn't hold her bluff anymore, taking a cautious step backwards and hoping that he wouldn't know just how uncomfortable he was making her feel. 'Perhaps, since I've heard everyone gossiping about you.' His scowl showed her just how happy he was with that. 'But how long have you been fucking him?'

_What?_

Her brow drawing together in confusion and the beginnings of outrage, she opened her mouth to protest but he didn't give her a chance. 'Was it after I left, and he was a shoulder for you to cry on?' He tilted his head to the side, considering her. 'No, I don't think so. You've been fucking him for years, haven't you?'

It wasn't until her foot hit the wall behind her that she realized that she'd still been backing up, and that she'd now run out of room to go. Instead, she uncrossed her arms, ready to ward him off if he tried anything, and stared at him incredulously. Surely this had to be coming from somewhere dark, brought forth by the alcohol, because she had never seen him anything close to this threatening or vulgar. 'Are you kidding me? Are you really accusing me of cheating on you? You and Killian were  _friends_ , and he had a girlfriend!'

His teeth bared in what looked like was supposed to be a smile. 'More fool to me, hey? I bet you liked it though, didn't you, being his whore on the side -'

Feeling something snap, she swung her arm up, aiming to slap him across the face, but he was ready for her. Before she could hit him, his hand caught her wrist, and when she lifted her other arm he grabbed that too. Leaning forward, he lifted her arms and held them to the wall above her head, pressing his body fully against hers and into the wall. 'What the hell is wrong with you?' she spat, starting to feel a little panicked. If he was getting physical with her, how far would he take it? She felt her skin crawl with disgust and regret. How could she ever have seen anything good in this person?

How could she have been so blind for so long?

She stiffened when he ducked his head, brushing his nose against her neck and breathing her in, but when he nipped at her skin she moved, panic, frustration and disgust turning into red hot anger. She jerked her arms, trying to twist out of his grip but he was too strong.

'Do you think about me when you're with him, Emma?' he slurred, his breath hot against her neck. 'I know you do. I know you still want me. Come on, Ems, just once while I'm still here -'

Giving up on trying to free her arms, she stomped her foot down onto his, wishing that she'd put her heels back on but it did the trick - cursing, he stepped back enough for her to drive her knee up between his legs. Grunting loudly, he released her and she pushed him away, darting around him quickly, but she paused when she reached the door, knowing that if she didn't have her final say then she might not get the chance to.

Turning back, she found him leaning against the wall, knees bent and both hands clutching at his groin. 'You fucking bitch,' he groaned.

She knew she could walk away, that anything else was pushing it, but she wanted him to know, once and for all, just how done she was. Feeling a combination of power and confidence (independence?) rushing through her, she stood up a little straighter. 'I don't care what you call me,' she told him, firm and loud. 'I don't care what you think. I'm not interesting in having anything to do with you anymore, so you're going to stay away from me, and my friends.'

He grunted, but she didn't wait around for any further response. Slamming the door behind her a little spitefully, she went to find her friends, finally putting her past firmly behind her.

The kitchen was empty, and she took the opportunity to throw back a full beer before she took another one to nurse. She was tired, physically and emotionally, but she was also thrumming with satisfaction, and relief. There was no guarantee that he wouldn't still harass her after that, but what she'd just done, the act of standing up to him and feeling  _strong_ , had made her realize that it truly didn't matter to her what he did anymore. She didn't care whether he was there, she didn't care what he said to her, or what he did. She was no longer broken, no longer scared or intimidated. She didn't need to prove herself, or to convince him that she was happy without him, because she finally realized that she didn't need to explain herself to anybody.

Especially somebody like  _that._

Embracing that confidence, she sought out Killian. She knew that she had to apologize to him, for taking her feelings out on him, and for the night in general. It was something that she never should have agreed to, and it was her own fault if things had soured between them. And it wasn't like she'd enjoyed the kiss  _that_  much.

And even if she had, nothing was going to change. He wouldn't have enjoyed it that much, surely. It wouldn't have meant anything to him.

After a quick glance over the lounge room she couldn't find Killian, but Ruby was on the couch alone. Sitting down next to her, she put her drink on the ground and wrapped her arms around her, resting her head against her shoulder.

'Hey, chickie.' Ruby's arm came around her instantly, and she was more grateful than usual that she'd never had a reason to doubt their friendship. Leaning in further, she pecked a kiss to her cheek.

Ruby pushed her away quickly, screwing her face up at her. 'Ew, you just kissed my brother with that mouth!' she laughed.

She wanted to groan, wanted to hide under a rock and not deal with the reality of it, but she knew this would have to happen with Ruby sooner or later. Instead of taking it seriously, she leaned back into her, puckering her lips dramatically, fighting against Ruby as she kept trying to push her away. 'What, don't you want to be next?'

They struggled against each other for the next few seconds, neither able to stop laughing about it, only stopping when they almost knocked their drinks over. Eventually they settled, and when she saw the musing expression on Ruby's face, she knew it was coming.

Looking at her sideways, Ruby traced the tip of the finger around the lip of her bottle. 'Are you two all right?' she asked carefully.

Sighing, she relaxed back into the couch. 'I don't know,' she said tiredly, not wanting to lie. 'It'll be fine, we just have to talk about it.'

'Hmm,' Ruby said vaguely. 'What about Neal? I haven't seen him in a while.'

She couldn't help the snort of laughter. 'Well. Either I've finally gotten rid of him for good, or else he's about to storm out here, fists ready. I might have kneed him in the nuts,' she explained to Ruby's curious glance. She waited for her to stop laughing. 'But I also told him to stay the hell away from me, once and for all, and it felt pretty damned good.'

Ruby grinned at her, eyebrows raised as high as she'd ever seen them. 'You go, girl.'

She hesitated. 'Have you seen Killian?'

'I saw him come back after he went after you before,' Ruby said, still chuckling. 'He said you wanted a few minutes alone, but he looked upset. Victor dragged him off to his room to show him something about five minutes ago.'

Emma frowned at her. 'But Victor's over there,' she said, pointed to her left, where Victor was standing with David and Robin.

Ruby followed her gaze, brow furrowed, before glancing around the room. 'Ah well, he'll be around here somewhere. I'm sure he -' She cut off, eyes going wide and sucking her breath in. 'Oh, no.'

The look on Ruby's face caused the first hints of dread to spread through her, and she turned toward where she was looking quickly, her eyes finding Killian instantly. He was standing beside the back door, his body tense, facing slightly away from the party. Because of that, the woman standing in front of him was all the more visible, her long, curly hair pushed back messily like she'd run her hands through it in frustration, her face drawn into an expression somewhere between being angry and upset. Both of their hands were gesturing between them, and it was obvious that they were arguing, even if Emma couldn't hear their voices.

'I didn't realize that Milah was here,' Emma said slowly, watching the two of them carefully and trying to squash down how uncomfortable she felt all of a sudden.

'She must have just got here.'

Ruby sounded distant, but there was still a trepidation in her voice that made Emma turn back to her curiously. 'What? What is it?'

Her friend didn't look away from Killian and Milah. 'Nothing,' she said quickly.

There was clearly something. It was one thing for Ruby to be wary that Killian's ex girlfriend had shown up, but she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her so tense. And if that was all that there was to it, she would have told her instead of brushing it off. 'Bullshit,' she said, and the way Ruby's lips pressed together told her that she was right. 'What aren't you telling me?'

After a few seconds Ruby sighed and shifted a little, so they could face each other but still keep Killian and Milah in sight without being too obvious. 'It's no big deal, not really. It's just that, well... If Milah was here for your display earlier, then this might be causing some problems.'

Frowning, Emma watched as Milah's voice got loud enough for them to hear, and Killian tried to shush her. She continued more quietly, but her face was no less angry. 'Why would that cause problems? They've been broken up for almost as long as me and Neal have.' She paused. 'They're not getting back together, are they?' Surely he would have told her.

When Ruby didn't answer straight away she looked back to her and was taken aback with the seriousness on her friend's face, and felt suddenly sick. If he'd played along with this game, knowing it could mess things up if he had a chance with Milah... He'd kissed her like she was the only person in the world, and she'd  _enjoyed it, shit, and if he wanted to get back with her..._  'God, Ruby, you can't be serious?'

'They're not getting back together,' Ruby said carefully, and Emma felt a relief stronger than she'd expected flow through her. 'He's well and truly done with her, trust me. But seeing you two together would have brought back some things for her.'

'Ruby, what are you talking about?' she said slowly, knowing that it had to be a big deal if she had absolutely no idea what she meant. Killian had always closed up when he'd spoken about Milah since their break up, but he'd always been clear that it was his decision and that it was for the best. After a while - quicker than she'd expected - she'd started to believe him when he'd said he was okay about it.

'You really have no idea?' Ruby asked, dropping her voice. When Emma shrugged, she closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. 'I know he never told you anything definite about why they broke up,' she started. 'And I'm sorry for lying to you when I said I didn't know anything, but this wasn't my secret to tell.'

'Since when does that stop you?' she joked, desperate to ease some of the building tension.

When Ruby didn't laugh, it only made it worse. 'This was important to him, Emma,' she said quietly, and Emma reached over, taking her hand in hers, squeezing it gently, having a feeling that she was going to need the comfort as much as she was offering it. 'Milah was always jealous of your and Killian's friendship. It was different with me because we're related, so I knew that it wasn't just from when he hung out with you instead of her. I know she bugged him about it a bit, but he managed to keep it in check until you and Neal broke up.'

'What did that have to do with anything?' she asked, trying not to wonder if Milah had had any  _reason_  to be jealous, because that would be  _ridiculous_. Right?

'You were a mess when he left, and you needed us.' She squeezed her hand reassuringly and even though she knew it was behind her now, she still didn't like to think of herself as being so vulnerable. 'We spent more time together, you stayed over our house a lot. Milah didn't like it, especially because you were now single.'

'How dare he have female friends that aren't her, right?' she asked. She'd heard that story before, but hadn't thought that Killian and Milah were like that.

'Yes and no. She was fine with his other friends. She thought that he had feelings for you.'

Emma swallowed, trying to keep her face blank. She couldn't help it when that damned kiss sprung back into her thoughts, the way he'd encouraged her, the way he'd held her to him. But someone thinking that he had feelings for her didn't make it true.

 _Shit._  Did she want it to be true?

Ruby was still talking, not giving her time to process that absurd thought. 'They had a big argument about it,' she was saying. 'At first I didn't think she knew I was home, but now I think she just didn't care, she was so angry. She wanted him to stop hanging out with you. And when he said no, she told him that he had to choose. You or her.'

Emma stilled, looking at Ruby, trying to find any kind of deception in her eyes but there was nothing. Twisting around quickly, she stared at Killian, trying to comprehend that she knew so little about something so important to him. That he would give up so much for her... no one had done anything like that before, not even close. 'Why didn't he tell me?' she breathed, unable to think of the right words to express just how shocked and angry she was with him. How touched she was, but it was so much more than that. What had he been  _thinking?_

'Because he knew that you'd yell at him for it, and he just wanted you to be happy.'

She couldn't take her eyes off of Killian. Everything that she thought she knew was getting turned on its head, and she didn't understand anything. She just needed five minutes to process everything, Killian and then Neal, then Killian again. But she couldn't even think right now, certainly couldn't interpret the crushing feeling in her chest.

She had to talk to him, had to make some sort of sense of this, and she could see that he was quickly losing patience with Milah. 'He definitely doesn't want to get back with her?' she asked.

Ruby snorted. 'Not one bit. Even without what she said about you, she was far too much hassle in my opinion.'

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath before pushing up off the couch and making her way across the room. If Ruby had it wrong then this would only make it worse, but she refused to believe that he wouldn't have told her that he was getting back with Milah, especially going into a situation like this.

Taking a leaf out of Killian's book, she headed straight to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He was so tense that he flinched in surprise at her touch but she didn't pull back. 'Hey, I've been looking for you.' His head whipped around to her, his eyes cold and hard before they became carefully guarded, but she only squeezed at his side reassuringly, keeping a big, easy smile of her face. 'Ruby and I have been talking about chipping in together to get a surprise thing for Victor before he goes away, and I wanted to see what you thought.' Shifting slightly, she pretending to only just see Milah, who had taken a step back and was watching her closely with narrowed eyes. 'Oh, hi Milah. I didn't know you were coming tonight.' Leaning into Killian a bit more, she rested her head on his shoulder casually, as though it were an everyday thing, hoping he'd forget their argument just for now and play along like she had with him. 'Are you enjoying the party?'

There was a long few seconds of strained silence as Milah looked quickly between the two of them and Emma waited for  _something_. She hated confrontation, yet somehow she'd been putting herself right in the middle of it all night. Finally, she felt some of the tension leave Killian and his arm came around her shoulders, wrapping around her upper arm and pulling her in closer, and Emma let herself breathe, drawing on his warmth for strength as she prepared for whatever Milah was going to throw at them, only knowing that she wasn't going to let him deal with it alone.

But there was no lashing out, no vicious reactions. Milah scowled at them, made a sound of disgust and turned away, and Emma relaxed as she disappeared down the hallway. She started to turn toward Killian but he was faster, using his arm around her shoulder to turn her and pull her closer, and it was all she could do to bring her hands up to his chest to steady herself instead of falling into him. 'What are you doing?' he muttered, his lips brushing against her ear.

Emma swallowed down the sudden lump in her throat, feeling more nervous about the intimacy of their position than she had about jumping into the confrontation with Milah. His left arm was still around her shoulders while his other hand had settled on her hip, and there was almost no space between their bodies. She could feel the firmness of his chest through his shirt and vest, couldn't take her eyes off of the smoothness of the skin at his neck.  _This is just Killian,_  she reminded herself, mentally giving herself a shake.  _Stop being ridiculous._

'If I get the benefits of a boyfriend for the night, then so do you,' she told him, clearing her throat when her words came out a little strained. 'Even if you are a total idiot.'

Pulling back enough to look at him, she found him watching her warily, looking faintly annoyed. 'I already apologized for that, and I'm not going to -'

'I'm not talking about the - about that,' she said, talking over him, and he stopped with a huff. 'Forget about that. Ruby told me why you and Milah actually broke up.'

Instead of relaxing, he stiffened even further, cursing lowly and turning his head away. 'I didn't want you to know about that.'

One of her hands slid up to rest at the back of his neck, and she was torn between wanting to hug him tighter and wanting to strangle him. 'Why the hell would you do something like that?' she hissed, nudging him slightly because she couldn't give him a proper push like she wanted to. She stared at him intently, her emotions a mess and needing to understand at least something that was going on right now, wishing for him to turn back to her so she could try and read him.

And then he did, turning his head back and down to look at her, only inches between them, and the sudden sincerity and openness on his face was too much. He finally relaxed, but kept his arm around her. 'I wasn't going to just be another person who left you, Emma,' he told her.

She felt her lips part and she sucked in her breath, caught by the honesty and warmth in his eyes. The corner of his mouth lifted slightly into a small, sad smile and she couldn't comprehend how someone could be so good to her, could do so much for her. She knew why he'd done it; he and Milah had broken up just after Neal had left, and she knew that she wouldn't have been able to take it if he'd left her so soon after. She wouldn't be able to take it now, either, but she'd been at her worst then, her most vulnerable. 'Killian -'

'I'd do it again,' he told her, and she bit down on her lip to try and hold back the overwhelming emotions storming their way through her chest. Her hand tightened on his neck and she wanted to look away, needed to try and figure out what the hell was going on in her head and whether there was something to the fact that she felt so good, so safe in his arms, but there was something in his eyes that she was trying to figure out, too...

'Emma, Killian!' Emma's eyes slid closed with a sigh at the sound of Ruby's voice, breaking whatever that moment had been, and she didn't try to stop him when Killian pulled away but kept his hand on her waist. Ruby stopped in front of them, either oblivious or not caring about what she'd interrupted. 'Killian, I need you to distract Victor for me, and Emma I need your help with the cake.'

'Nobody wants cake,' Emma said, knowing that she still had more to say to Killian. 'They're too drunk.'

'It's the best time for cake,' Ruby insisted, grabbing her hand and giving her a tug toward the kitchen. 'Come on, no excuses.'

She had that no-nonsense look on her face that Emma knew better than to argue with, so she huffed a dramatic sigh. 'Fine, just...' She didn't try to pull out of Ruby's grip but she did take a step back toward Killian, who's expression was once more carefully neutral. 'I'm sorry about before,' she said, knowing it wasn't enough, especially after what she'd just found out that he'd done for her - she didn't think anything would ever be enough - but that she had to say  _something._ 'Are we good?'

He nodded once, slowly. 'We're good. We'll talk later, all right?'

Swallowing thickly, she nodded before letting Ruby drag her toward the kitchen. The room was empty, and Emma leaned back against the bench as Ruby retrieved the cake from the bottom of the fridge. 'Talk about what?' Ruby asked casually, glancing over her shoulder after setting the cake on the bench.

'Milah, I guess, or...'

She trailed off, not really ready to talk to Ruby about it yet, but she was having none of it. 'Or the kiss?' she asked, a wicked smile on her face.

Emma groaned loudly. 'I don't even know anymore,' she said in defeat, retrieving the hidden bottle of tequila from earlier, tossing it back and gulping from it until the burn in her throat made her choke. When she lowered the bottle and wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, Ruby was laughing at her.

'That's the spirit,' she said, taking the bottle and having a drink before stuffing half a dozen candles into her hand.

By the time they'd finished, Killian had gathered everyone in the lounge room and Emma found a spot at the back of the room to watch as Ruby entered with the cake to a chorus of  _happy birthday to you_  that was completely out of time. Victor blew out his candles, as excited as any child that she'd ever seen, before pulling out a piece of paper and making a big deal of the speech that he had prepared. He was obviously drunk, but so were most of their friends and Emma watched with a smile on her face as he said his thing, most of it made up of dumb jokes. He was an idiot, but they all were, and he was good for Ruby. She knew she'd miss him when he left.

Hearing a familiar chuckle of laughter, she looked across and caught Killian's eye. He was grinning and shaking his head at something Victor had said, but his smile softened when he saw her, and she felt hers do the same despite herself. Feeling buzzed again after drinking with Ruby in the kitchen, she was about to pull a face at him when he winked at her, tongue between his teeth, and she rolled her eyes at him instead.  _Idiot,_  she thought fondly.

Fortunately, the rest of the night passed without much incident. She didn't see either Neal or Milah again and could only assume that they'd left, and she finally let herself relax and just enjoy the night for what it was. She spent some more time catching up with Mary Margaret, making plans for the wedding that were more jokes than not, and even managed to convince Regina to join in on a drinking game with Robin and Graham.

Eventually she found her way back to Killian's side - or was it the other way around? She wasn't sure whether he was there first or she was, but she'd been dancing with Ruby and had sat down on the couch in an attempt to stop her head from spinning before she rejoined them. She'd long lost track of how much she'd drunk a little while ago. 'What's this?' she asked, confused by the glass that he was pressing into her hand.

'Water,' he said. 'You're rather drunk, love,' he added playfully.

She narrowed her eyes at him - not squinting, no, it wasn't that his face was swimming in front of her eyes. 'Why aren't you drunker?'

He smirked at her. 'Because I know how to hold my alcohol,' he said, but she could tell from the way that his accent had thickened that he wasn't nearly as sober as he claimed. But he'd still gone to the effort of getting her water. She stared at the glass for a few seconds before raising it quickly to her lips.

The water was surprisingly cool on her throat and she gulped it down. 'Hey, hey,' she heard him say, and then his hand was over hers, carefully pulling the glass away from her lips. 'Take it easy.'

Moving the glass to the coffee table, he settled back further onto the couch when he leaned back, and she followed, their upper arms touching. She considered him for a little while, her heart full of things that her mind both couldn't put into proper thoughts, and was too addled to squash. 'Are you having a good night?'

He laughed, and she smiled at the sound. 'Really? After everything that's happened?'

Her blissful mood evaporated instantly, and she felt a hollowness inside of her that she hadn't expected. 'Oh.' True, there had been a lot of unpleasantness, a lot of pressure and tension, but there had been good things as well, surely.  _His mouth on hers, his hand in her hair..._

He must have heard something in her voice, for the next moment he'd twisted in his seat, leaning over to see her face better. 'I've had a good night,' he insisted, and when he smiled at her she believed him, her lips twitching upwards again.

'I had a good night,' she told him, relaxing again and closing her eyes. 'Did I tell you that I kneed Neal in the balls?'

His choked laughter made her grin. 'Bloody hell, Swan. You're telling me all about that later.'

'Mmm,' she said, leaning sideways until she felt his shoulder beneath his cheek. God, but he smelt good. How did he still smell so good this late in the night?

She felt his hand on her cheek but didn't open her eyes. 'You're tired,' he said softly. 'Did you want to call it a night?'

'No,' she mumbled, shaking her head, pressing her face firmer against his shoulder. She just needed a minute, then she was going to go back and dance with Ruby some more, and in the meantime, she didn't want to move. There was a warmth spreading through her from his closeness that had little to do with body heat, and she was too far gone to deny that it was because it was  _him._  'I'm having too much fun.'

'Okay, love.' He shifted, dropping his hand and letting her settle more comfortably against him. 'Get some rest then.'

 _I only need a minute,_  she thought, but didn't have the energy for more than a sigh.  _I'm only resting for..._

* * *

'Yeah, Ruby's asleep.'

'I figured she'd crash here anyway. You're welcome to as well if you want, Graham, the couch'll be free.'

'Cheers, Vic.'

'I'll call for a taxi soon, mate.'

'Ah, whenever you're ready.'

The words sounded muffled, but as Emma became more aware they became clearer, and she realized it was just the thickness of sleep. She woke slowly, distracted by the soothing touch of fingers running through her hair, the rhythmic movement keeping her just slightly too far from wakefulness.

She was curled up on her side and the surface that her head rested on was warm but didn't feel like a shoulder, and she shifted against it, trying to press deeper into the warmth. She felt the scratch of denim under her hand and against her face and the hand paused in her hair, but once she stilled it returned to its movement.

'Is she awake?' Victor asked.

There was a pause as the fingers brushed her hair back off of her face, but even though she was awake enough to acknowledge them, she didn't want that touch to stop, so she kept her eyes closed and her breathing even. 'Nah, she's dead to the world.'

There was silence again for a few minutes. Then, 'What was Milah's problem earlier?'

Killian stiffened, then sighed and relaxed again. 'You saw that? What do you think?'

It was clearly not a question that required an answer, and that sent Emma to wondering how much Victor and Graham knew about what had really happened with Killian. Did everyone know, except for her? Did they know even more than she did now, or nothing at all?

'She handled it well,' Victor said, and it took her a moment to realize that he was talking about her.

'Aye, that she did.' Killian's voice had softened, and she liked the way that it sounded. 'She knows there's nothing to worry about there.'

Emma felt a smile threatening at her lips from knowing that he knew she had faith in him, before she remembered that this was all just a game that they were playing and she was surprised by how much her heart sank. They'd always trusted each other, always believed in each other, so why did this mean so much to her all of a sudden?

The answer was obvious, and painfully so for what it meant. Their charade tonight had brought to the surface something that she had a feeling she should have realized a long time ago. It had been hidden behind the guise of friendship, and she wondered how long it had been since his company, his touches and his smile had meant something more to her than what she'd assumed.

She'd never had to think of it as anything different. She and Killian just  _were_ , they were a part of each other's lives as strongly and as easily as anybody could be. He and Ruby were her family, and she didn't know what she would do without them.

Once, Killian had made sure she wouldn't have to find out.

The only other time she'd been in love was with Neal, and that had been everything this wasn't. She'd fallen hard and fast, had given herself to him so completely and naively that she'd been all but broken when he'd left her, and she hadn't expected to let anybody into her heart in the same way that she had him, but somehow Killian had found his way there. She tried to pinpoint the time when things had started to change for her, because it hadn't always been there. They'd always been comfortable around each other, always been close, but it wasn't like this. She hadn't always sought comfort like this in his arms, hadn't always lit up so completely inside when he'd smiled at her.

She might not have been able to remember when it had happened, but she knew it now. She was well and truly screwed.

And what was going to happen, now? All of her fears from the start of the night were all the more present. Maybe he returned her feelings and they gave it a shot, but what happened if things didn't work out? She didn't know if she was more afraid of that, or of finding out that he didn't feel the same.

The way he'd been looking at her tonight... There had been electricity there, she'd  _felt_  it, even if she'd tried to deny it. But was it any different to how he normally looked at her? She didn't think so, wasn't sure, but did that mean that he'd always wanted more, or that he didn't, and never had?

 _She knows there's nothing to worry about there._ Was that supposed to mean something, or was that just for show?

Before she could fall too far into that spiral Graham spoke again, and she stilled her thoughts when she realized that she was still the topic. 'You two do well together,' he said, and she held her breath, waiting for Killian's answer.

'Yeah, we really do.'

'I'm really happy for you, man,' Victor said, sounding about as sincere as she'd ever heard him. 'I'm happy that you finally managed to win her over.'

There was a pause, and Emma was sure that they would hear her heart for how loud it was beating. Words like  _finally_ and  _win her over_  were echoing around in her mind, refusing to settle because how could they be right? Victor spoke as though Killian's apparent feelings for her weren't a surprise, and that couldn't be the case if Killian was just continuing their ruse.

'Is this a bad time to admit that I took her on a date, once?' Graham said, and she was so surprised that she lost her train of her thought, because she certainly had no memories of going on a date with Graham. 'It was such a failure that I never mentioned it again, or to you guys. I took her out for dinner, and she told me afterwards that it was refreshing to spend time with a man without the pressure of a hook up.' The three of them laughed. Finally remembering the night he was talking about, Emma felt her cheeks growing hot and hoped that they wouldn't notice. 'It was a few weeks after her and Neal broke up.'

For the first time, she felt Killian tense, and his hand dropped from her hair down to her shoulder. 'I wish you hadn't invited him,' he said, and the tired way that the words came out made her think that he'd already said them at least once before tonight.

'I know,' Victor said, in that same tone. 'I wish I hadn't either, but he heard about it and I couldn't really say no. You know he would have found another way to hassle her. At least there were other people around tonight.'

Killian sighed. 'I know. Sorry.'

'If it helps any, he did try to speak to me about her, earlier,' Victor added. 'I suppose he figured that I was close enough to the two of you to know some actual details. I told him that she was blissfully happy with you, and that he didn't stand a chance.'

'Thanks, mate.'

And he did sound grateful, so much so that Emma felt a hot lump in her throat that she knew wouldn't be swallowed away. How could he do so much for her, without her even knowing about it? Without asking for or even wanting any recognition, he'd made sacrifices and gone out of his way to help her, just because...

She squeezed her eyes a little tighter. Because he cared for her. Because she cared for him. How hadn't she known this, for so long?

'How 'bout a last round?' Graham said. There was a short dispute over whether there was any beer left, then a shuffling sound as both Graham and Victor stood and walked toward the kitchen. Killian's hand left her shoulder and she felt the backs of his knuckles brushing across her cheek. She knew that she should "wake up", but his touch felt so good, and she was more than a little afraid of dealing with everything that had suddenly changed so much between them.

'You can stop pretending to be asleep now.'

Emma's breath caught in her throat, cursing silently. 'What gave it away?' she asked, trying to sound flippant and failing miserably.

'I'm pretty sure that people who are actually asleep can't blush that deep,' he said, and she wished she could tell his mood from his tone but it just sounded mildly amused. His hand moved away from her head and she sat up. At least she'd slept off the worst of her drunkenness, since the room had stopped spinning.

Feeling suddenly restless, she brought her leg up, starting to tuck it underneath her before she changed her mind and laid them across his lap like she usually would, facing him fully, and she realized that the fact that it was a normal thing between them wasn't  _normal_  for just friends and they'd been doing this for a long time. His hand settled lightly on her leg, but he was watching her carefully, his expression far too guarded for her liking. 'Killian,' she began, but faltered when she realized that she had no clue what to say. Despite everything that she'd just heard, she was still terrified of not just his rejection, but also of breaking the perfect thing that they already had going. 'What aren't you telling me?' she asked after a moment, needing to hear at least something directly from him tonight.

He hesitated, but then his guard dropped as his mouth curved into a smile that was a little bit sad, a little bit hopeful, and she saw in his eyes everything that she'd thought she'd imagined, had always brushed off as affection between friends, rather than something so much more beautiful than that. 'Haven't you figured it out by now, love?'

An overwhelming pressure settled over her, squeezing her heart and twisting her stomach and it was too much, there was too much of  _everything_  on his face. She looked away, biting down hard on her lip and trying to figure out exactly how they got here... and why they didn't get there sooner.

'Emma,' he said, and he sounded... defeated. 'I'm sorry. I don't expect anything from you, which is why I didn't say anything. I'm sorry that I let this go so far tonight, it was stupid and unfair. Your friendship means more to me than anything.' His voice dropped lower, so that she had to strain to hear it even from so close. 'I just don't want to lose what we have.'

Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet his, not quite believing what she was hearing. He was worried about the same things she was, because he didn't think that she felt the same. And he had no reason to, really; she hadn't even known it herself.

But right now, she had never been more sure.

Moving slowly, she reached out her hand to touch his cheek, brushing her fingers against his rough stubble before cupping his cheek. He pressed his face into her hand even as he watched her warily. She wanted to smile at him reassuringly but she was feeling too much, so she brought her other hand up, sliding it over his chest. 'Emma,' he breathed again, sounding almost tormented, his expression pained.

'Shut up, Jones,' she whispered back, leaning forward quickly and pressing her lips against his, needing to find out if she was crazy or not, but  _needing_  to feel again how she felt when he kissed her earlier. He sat frozen for a few seconds before a sound somewhere between a groan and a sigh left him as he exhaled sharply through his nose, one hand coming up to the back of her head just like she wanted him to, holding her to him as he pressed in harder, using his lips to part hers and oh god, she'd never been kissed like this before, so passionately, so desperately. Her hand fisted in his vest, pulling him closer because she wanted to feel all of him, to know all of him because how had she gone this long without being kissed like this, like she was loved?

His free arm came around her, tugging her nearer and she wasn't sure if he was pushing or she was pulling, but she was leaning backwards, him partially bent over her. His hand slid up her leg, gripping the outside of her thigh and she tugged him closer, kissing him deeper, pouring herself into him because now that she knew what this was like, she couldn't get enough. When she eventually did need to pause for air, she didn't push him away, instead just lowering her forehead against his neck, feeling more than a little happy that he was just as out of breath as she was.

Both of his arms came around her back, holding her against him, not letting her pull away even if she'd wanted to, and she just couldn't fathom that this might mean so much to him, because she just couldn't understand meaning so much to anyone. But he was proving her wrong, even now as he moved back to her lips, brushing them together so gently that she barely felt it but oh, she felt it right through her. 'You can't be just another person that leaves,' she murmured, threading her fingers into his hair.

She wasn't sure whether she needed to hide from his reaction more, or watch his face to drink it in, but he solved the choice for her as he pulled back only enough that they could meet each other's eyes. And what she found there was everything that she'd pretended not to see for so long, but had been threading through into her consciousness tonight, all of the heat and affection and longing that she'd become aware of. All of those things that she'd found within herself, and finally had a name to put to now that she realized what they were, and what she felt.

'You can't get rid of me so easily,' he said, with what would have been his normally cheeky smile if it hadn't been for how purely happy he looked. Unable to keep the grin off of her face, she pulled his face to hers again, delighting in how fresh and new this felt, as at the same time it felt so familiar and  _right._

And as he pressed his body down against hers, pulling her impossibly tighter against him, his quiet groan from the contact muffled by her mouth, the electricity and  _wanting_  that flooded through her was everything that was good about new and exciting.

A loud groan filled the room that certainly didn't come from either of them. 'We leave you two alone for five bloody minutes,' Graham said and Emma pulled back sharply, falling back into the couch as she twisted, wide-eyed, to see both him and Victor standing in the doorway with identical indulgent grins on their faces. Feeling her cheeks flush, she scrambled off of his lap, but didn't resist when his arm snagged her around the waist, pulling her back over until she was tucked against his side. Despite her embarrassment, she made an effort to roll her eyes for Graham and Victor's sake, but was secretly glad that he wasn't so ready to let her go.

Victor handed Killian a beer, then joined Graham where he was sitting on the chairs opposite them. 'Nice to see you're among the living again,' Graham said, and she didn't resist the urge to poke her tongue out at him.

'I have an idea,' Victor piped up. 'Let's catch a movie or something during the week, and I'll bring Ruby. I want to see as much of you both as I can before I leave.'

'Like a double date?' Killian asked quickly, and when she glanced up at him he was looking at her, eyebrow raised in question.  _A date?_

She smiled at him easily, then felt herself blushing as she took in his kiss-reddened lips, his hair mussed from her hands. 'I think that's a great idea,' she said, and Killian's arm tightened around her as a relieved smile spread across his face. Leaning her head back against his chest, she twined her fingers with his of the hand that was curled around her waist, feeling a bizarre surrealism that it looked like they were going to give this a genuine shot.

'A double date - plus Graham,' Graham said pointedly, and she couldn't help but laugh at him, her heart full of so much elation.

She didn't know how this night - this painfully dreaded mess of a night - had turned into something completely unlike what she'd expected.

But then, he'd never been quite what she'd expected. Somehow, he'd always been more.

And maybe that was the point.

* * *

He didn't stop touching her for the rest of the night. His arm around her, his lips in her hair, his hand on hers as they said goodbye and took the cab home.

She didn't let him sleep on the couch.


	5. Epilogue

Emma woke slowly, and the first thing she was aware of was that she wasn't alone in her bed. There was a warm body pressed up against her back, an arm slung over her waist, and a lightness in her heart that hadn't been there in a very long time.

It wasn't the first time that she'd woken up with Killian Jones in her bed, but it  _was_ the first time that she'd woken up naked.

She couldn't help the smile that spread slowly across her face at the memory of... everything. What she'd learned about him, what she'd realized about herself, and where that had led to. A part of her had been afraid that she'd wake up the next day filled with regret, that she'd been caught up in the night, but now, as she stretched out her legs as best as she could without disrupting him, she found that she did not regret a single thing.

Without the alcohol clouding her judgement, or the idea of the ruse so appealing, she found that she felt just as good, her heart just as full, without all of that pressure.

She'd also never felt as comfortable as she did right then, but it wasn't quite enough. She moved slowly, carefully, twisting until she was facing him, making sure his arm stayed around her, propping her head up on her arm to get a good look at him.

His eyes were still closed, his breathing even, so she took her time in studying him. She didn't think that she could remember a time where he'd looked so peaceful, and she wasn't sure whether it was just because he was asleep or whether she had anything to do with it. They'd gotten to her place in the early hours of the morning, and it had been even later before they'd found sleep. He'd made to settle on the couch but they both knew that that wasn't where he wanted to be, and she'd coaxed him into her bed with the promise that they'd just sleep.

He hadn't wanted to rush her, and she thought it was adorable.

She wasn't sure who had made the first move, but it hadn't been long at all until they were tangled in each other, both of them too eager to explore this new territory to wait. It had been frantic and needy, but it had been perfect, the two of them finding what they needed in each other, the knowledge of  _more_  the only thing that had let them let the exhaustion take them under afterwards.

Her mind was on that now, as she let her eyes trail from his face, down his neck and over his shoulder, appreciating the definition - and the bite marks - before she moved down his chest and stomach, to where the sheet - her sheet, because he was in  _her bed_  - was draped tantalizingly low over his hips.

Needing to touch him, she reached out carefully and stroked her fingers up his arm, over his shoulder, before brushing against his cheek, his scruff scratching her fingers. His brow twitched slightly, his face turning into her hand, and his grip tightened around her. She let him pull her closer, figuring he was close to waking, but she held him back when he tried to duck his head against her neck. Instead, she leaned forward and kissed him gently.

His lips responded immediately, automatically, but she could still tell the moment that he actually woke. He inhaled sharply, almost like a gasp, before she felt him smile against her and curl more completely around her, his legs twining with hers and his arm pulling their upper bodies together. He felt strong and hard, yet incredibly relaxed and soft, and she couldn't get enough of the feeling, her free hand roaming over his chest as the other moved around to play in the hair at the base of his neck.

The kiss was slow and sensual as their lips parted, his tongue brushing against her lower lip before moving further to tease hers, and it was like they were tasting each other for the first time. She wondered how long that feeling would last, like they were getting to know each other all over again.

She felt his smile turn into a fully fledged grin before he pulled back, and she couldn't help but return it when it lit up his whole face. 'You're still here,' he said quietly, his voice and accent deliciously thick from sleep.

She knew what he meant, but rolled her eyes at him anyway. 'Well it is my bed,' she pointed out.

'That wouldn't have stopped you if...' he trailed off, as if he didn't want to say it.

 _If..._  But there was no if, was no regrets or embarrassment, there only  _was_. There was only her, and him. 'Maybe I wanted you to wake up next to me,' she said lightly, shrugging her shoulders like it didn't mean anything.

The light in his eyes told her that he wasn't buying it, of which she was happy. 'Maybe?' he asked, and there was so much happiness on his face that his smirk didn't even look smug or mocking, and that was all because of  _her._

Her smile faded into a sad upturning of her lips as she felt the weight of everything that had happened settling on her again. 'I've been an idiot, haven't I?' she asked sourly, dropping her hand from the back of his head so that they both rested on his chest.

His free hand came up from between them to cup her face. 'No more than usual,' he promised her, and she pushed at him gently.

'I mean it,' she insisted. 'I can't believe it took me so long to realize what this was. I was just... comfortable, and I didn't realize why.' She paused as he leaned forward to kiss her forehead. 'You could have said something,' she muttered.

He laughed, and she enjoyed the way that it warmed her. 'I knew you'd get there eventually.' He smirked at the look that she shot him. 'All right, I was  _hoping_  you'd get there. I didn't want you to feel like I was putting ideas in your head. Or that I expected anything from you that you didn't want to give.'

Emma nodded slowly, understanding where he was coming from, but still feeling stupid for having not known the right name to put on her feelings for him. 'How long?' she asked, needing to get the question out before she chickened out.

He shifted slightly, starting to look a little uncomfortable. 'Do you really want to know?'

'Only if you want to tell me,' she said quickly, not wanting to push it too far.

But his smile was just as open when he brushed her hair back from her face. 'I'll tell you anything that you want to know, Emma,' he said, with such honesty that it still surprised her, even after everything else that she'd learnt. When she nodded slowly, he moved his arm from around her, taking one of hers with it and threading their fingers together. 'I didn't know it while I was with Milah,' he told her, his tone much more serious now, and she wondered whether he thought she was judging him. 'I didn't break up with her because I felt something for you, but because I didn't want anyone in my life who thought they could dictate who I spent my time with.'

Which was fair enough, and made her feel a little less guilty for being a part of the cause.

'Even as just a friend, you meant more to me than that,' he continued, his brow furrowed. 'It didn't take me long after that, though, to realize how I felt, but you didn't need a boyfriend or a lover then, you needed time to heal and move on from... from Neal. And I think I was right, after what Humbert said last night,' he added cheekily, and she buried her face against the pillow, embarrassed.

'I feel so horrible that I had no idea,' she grumbled, and he just laughed at her, turning her face back up with a gentle touch of his fingers.

'It's no big deal, love. Just something to laugh about with the boys, now. And eavesdropping girlfriends.'

If there was a time to panic and run this was it, but all she felt was a sense of wonder, that this was actually happening, and how much she wanted it. He was watching her carefully, probably  _still_  anticipating her to start panicking. She bit her lip to stop the grin from spreading over her face, but was sure she failed. 'I suppose so,' she said offhandedly, her double meaning hopefully clear.

She couldn't help but snicker at how quickly his eyebrows shot up in disbelief, his eyes wide. 'You suppose so?' he said indignantly, but there was only humour in his eyes, humour and a happiness so strong it made her heart jump. 'You bloody suppose so.' Faster than she could react, his hand dropped hers and slid under her waist, the other moving down to grab underneath her knee and he flipped them quickly enough that she gasped and squealed, pushing back at him with just enough force to protest but not enough to make him move because when she landed on her back and he settled over her, she found that she really liked the way his weight felt on top of her. Her gasp turned into laughter when his stubble scratched and tickled at the sensitive part of her neck.

She realized quickly that things didn't have to change. They could still just be themselves, still just be two idiots together, but that now it could just be  _more._  He was laughing with her now, and she could feel it all throughout her body, filling her heart, and without hesitation, she pulled his face up to hers.

As soon as their lips met they both stilled, and Emma was caught once again in just how good this felt. Killian's hand came up to cup her cheek gently and he kissed her slowly, smoothly, but he pulled away far too soon for her preference.

Propping himself up on elbows either side of her, his eyes darted over her face, as though he was drinking in the sight of her. 'I'm glad I wasn't wrong about you, Emma,' he said softly.

Running her hands up his arms, she settled one at the back of his neck, and the other around his back. 'I'm glad that I was,' she told him, and his answering smile before he crashed back down to her erased every last bit of doubt or confusion that she might have had. He kissed her hungrily, like he just couldn't get enough of her, pressing the weight of his body down against hers, her mind going blank when she felt his cock hard against her thigh. Her legs fell open automatically and he groaned lightly as he settled between them, grinding against her, causing heat to start to pool between her legs at the promise of pleasure. Last night had been rushed and fast, but still incredible, and she was hungry for more.

She lifted her leg, ready to hitch it around his hips and pull him closer, but his hand caught it and pressed it back against the bed. Breaking the kiss, he moved his mouth to her jaw, kissing and licking and sucking his way down her neck in a way that had her writhing against him almost embarrassingly, desperate for friction. 'Killian,' she mumbled, trying for firm but all she heard in her own voice was pleading.

That's all he heard to, if she could guess by his chuckle, his breath raising goosebumps on her skin. 'Shh, love,' he said, his voice pleased and amused, but still thick with arousal and that only made her want him more. 'I want to take my time with you.'

She gave herself over to his ministrations, unable to think coherently anyway as he moved lower, kneading at her breasts gently before closing his mouth over one of her nipples, twisting the other between his fingers. The gasp that fell from her lips when he brushed his teeth against it was entirely not her fault, and she closed her eyes, throwing her head back against the pillow.

It wasn't until he was halfway down her stomach that she realized what he intended, and he must have noticed when she tensed for he stopped kissing her and lay his cheek against her belly, looking up at her with searching eyes. 'Are you okay?' he asked, with complete patience.

She wanted to look away but knew that she wouldn't have been able to escape his eyes anyway. 'I'm fine,' she said, her voice a little strained. The only other person who she'd been that intimate with was Neal, and he'd made it very clear that he hadn't enjoyed that, until she'd stopped asking him. 'You don't have to do that,' she told him quietly, not wanting him to think she expected him to do anything that he didn't want to.

Without breaking eye contact, he turned his head to press a chaste kiss to the skin just above her hipbone, even that simple touch sending a shiver through her. 'I know I don't have to,' he said easily. 'What if I want to?'

Pressing her lips together, she found herself nervous, and just nodded shortly rather than saying anything. When he pressed his lips against her hip again she could feel his smile.

He kissed his way over her hip and down her leg, settling between them and licking a stripe up her inner thigh, sending an unexpected thrill of pleasure through her just from the proximity. He nuzzled into her leg, and she jumped slightly. 'That tickles,' she mumbled.

'Hmm?' Without hesitation he did it again, scratching at her sensitive skin and she jumped, trying to hold back what was probably another embarrassing squeak. She started to lean forward, intending to pull him away and make him just get on with it.

'Damn it, Killian, I mean it - oh  _god_.'

Before she could reach him, he moved quickly upward from her thigh, parting her folds with one hand and pressing his tongue flat against her clit with no preamble about it. Her body froze in a half upright position, her hips moving forward of their own accord, pressing against him for more, while her back arched. Biting her lip, she let her head fall back and a low groan escaped her as he slowly started to trace circles around her clit with his tongue before flicking at it again.

He continued like that for a few minutes, teasing her, playing with her, until she could feel every nerve on edge, every touch sending a thrill through her. Just as she was starting to get used to the feeling, he started to move over more of her, lips and tongue and the occasional brush of teeth all over her, working at her faster and with determination. Without pausing, his hand left her to wrap around her thigh and he guided her leg over his shoulder. Not needing any further encouragement, she used it to pull him closer, grinding her hips up against him, and her breath caught in her throat when he moaned and she felt the sound vibrate through her.

One hand stayed on her hip, holding her to him, and the other moved lower until she felt his fingertips playing at her opening. She was already starting to tremble when he slipped the tip of his finger inside of her, rubbing just inside of her entrance. Not wanting to wait anymore, she angled her hips lower and he seemed to get the message, sliding two fingers in all of the way, starting to pump them slowly in and out of her.

She tried to wonder if she should still feel embarrassed and awkward - this was Killian, who had known her for years and years, one of her best friends and Ruby's brother, who knew every part of her except for this - but she couldn't focus on anything other than the way that he took her clit between his lips and began to suck on it gently as he started to curl his fingers every time they entered her. Had he always been so good at this?

Why hadn't they found out sooner?

He increased his pace, moving mouth and hand faster over her, into her, around her, until she was a writhing mess underneath him, the pleasure of it too strong, too intense, and she cursed herself for thinking that she wouldn't enjoy this. Her hand found its way to the back of his head, her fingers twisting in his hair in a way that surely had to be painful but he only groaned again, and she wasn't sure whether she'd intended to pull him away but that sound made her pull him closer instead, knowing she was about to lose her mind from what he was doing to her but unable to let him stop.

And then, so quickly that it took her by surprise, her release hit her, heat spreading through her trembling body and she wasn't sure if it was a curse or a cry that left her mouth but it was  _loud_ , and when he didn't stop or even slow down she didn't either, her back arching and her hips lifting right off the bed as he continued to flick his tongue over her clit, scissoring his fingers inside of her.

When she did finally come back to herself, Killian was resting just above her stomach again, watching her with a little self satisfied smirk on his face, but what was not so familiar was the blatant arousal in his eyes as he licked his lips, like he was savouring her, and she found that she was in no means done with him yet. 'Well, aren't you just full of surprises,' she said playfully, sounding a little too breathless for her liking, leaning forward enough to pull him up to her.

He came easily, crawling up her body and kneeling between her legs, leaning over her until he was lying on top of her. At the same time as he kissed her lazily, letting her taste herself on him, he lowered his hips against hers, rolling them against hers slowly and deliberately, and she moaned into his kiss from the feeling of him grinding against her  _right there._  She could feel his cock sliding over her, slipping between her folds and rubbing against her clit, hot and hard and fuck, she needed him. Right now.

Reaching between their bodies, she wrapped her hand around his length, only more spurred on by the way his whole body seemed to freeze. Breaking their kiss, he dropped his forehead against her neck, sucking in a breath. 'Bloody hell, Emma.' His voice sounded strangled and he let out a muffled sound of the same tune when she tightened her grip and started pumping her hand over him.

He was rock hard and needed no help from her, but although she wanted to give him more attention, she knew that it wasn't what either of them needed. There would be plenty of time to find out how he liked her to use her hands, where she had to kiss to make him squirm the most, how he tasted, but right now he was rutting gently into her hand, muttering her name like a curse and she felt crazy for the need to feel him inside of her.

When she parted her legs further and guided him forward, he raised his head to look at her and she was glad that he hesitated so she could take a second to take in the look in his eyes. There was so much adoration and happiness mixed with the desire, and she was blown away by how much this clearly meant to him. The swelling in her chest told her that it meant so much more for her, too. This wasn't just sex.

The tip of his cock pressed against her, slick from her wetness, and all she wanted was to close her eyes and revel in the stretch and burn as he slid into her, but she wanted to watch him just a little bit more. She made herself focus on his face as he pressed the first inch into her, drinking in the way his eyelids fluttered almost closed, his lips parted before his teeth dug into the lower one. But then his face fell against her neck as he sunk the rest of the way into her and all she could think about was  _him,_  how he felt in and around and on top of her.

He'd said that he wanted to take his time with her and the idea had thrilled her at the time, but now that he was inside of her she found that she didn't want to wait for anything else, and from the way his hips were moving ever so slightly against her told him that he was more impatient now, as well. 'Killian,' she mumbled, arching up to try and increase the friction, and the sound of his name on her lips must have done something to him. He pulled back, settling on his knees and pulling almost all the way out of her and she whimpered at the loss, but then he was thrusting back in, harder and faster this time and she cried out from the feel of it, the sound getting cut off as he covered her mouth with hers.

And from there it was all that she could do to hold on, gripping onto his biceps, clawing at his back, the feel of his muscles working underneath her hands only causing her to clench around him in excitement, that reflex making him increase his pace, hitting her deeper and making her cry out, everything working in a lust-fueled cycle until they were moving against each other frantically, chasing each other's release as much as their own.

Her feet were planted flat on the mattress, using the leverage to meet every one of his thrusts, but eventually she wanted more, wanted to show him that she could do more than just participate. The next time he made to pull back, she pushed him off of her and onto his back, following him immediately and straddling his hips. He didn't try to protest, just squeezed his eyes shut with a groan that she echoed as she lowered herself onto him, the feeling of his thick cock sliding into her again sending a shiver through her.

She started rocking her hips over him straight away, her hands against his chest for support as she moved, and both of his hands closed over her waist, encouraging her and the fast pace she set. The new angle felt  _incredible_ , the drag of him against her walls intoxicating and she felt her release starting to build again already.

'Fuck, Emma,' Killian groaned as she threw her head back, arching her back and moving so that her hands were supporting herself on his thighs instead. 'You're so beautiful.' One of his hands moved to palm at her breast before he rolled her nipple between his fingers, the feeling flooding straight between her thighs.

He pushed himself up enough to take her other nipple into his mouth and she moaned loudly, letting herself enjoy it for a few seconds before she grabbed at the hair at the back of his head and pulled him up to her, kissing him messily, her mouth falling open as he nipped at her lower lip, but she wasn't able to concentrate on anything but feeling as close to him as possible. He straightened further, sitting up properly and wrapping an arm around her lower back to keep them together as he started grinding his hips up in time with hers. Her other arm went around him, her nails digging into his back and not caring - secretly hoping - that she was marking him.

The kiss broke only with the need to breathe, but her mouth moved quickly to his jaw before settling on his neck, pressing hot, opened mouth kisses to the skin before sucking on it, thrilling at the sound of his moan and the way his hips started to stutter. 'Emma,' he said breathlessly, his voice breaking and she knew it was a warning, that he was close.

' _Yes,_ ' she whimpered, feeling herself right on the edge and knowing just what she needed. 'I want you... I want to feel you come. Killian, please -'

' _Fuck, fuck, Emma -'_  He thrust up into her once, twice and then he stiffened, his whole body tensing as a strangled moan escaped his lips, and she felt him pulsing inside of her, the feeling of his throbbing cock sending her over the edge and she bit down hard on his shoulder when she came, heat spreading all through her and she rocked against him frantically, desperate to prolong the feeling for both of them.

She came back to herself slowly, to the feeling of a warm hand slowly stroking its way up and down her back, Killian's other hand resting on her lower back, holding her in his lap, and she carefully moved her suddenly heavy legs so that they wrapped around him, not wanting to move from this closeness. Her head rested on his shoulder and his on hers, and she sighed when her movements caused his softening cock to slip out of her. Tightening her grip around him, she pulled him closer, leaving no space between his chest and hers.

When he realized that she was aware again, Killian nuzzled his face against her neck, pressing tiny kisses to her skin. 'Can we just stay like this all day?' she said on a sigh as she felt a gentle tug on her hair, assuming that he was playing with it.

She felt his smile against her skin before she heard and felt his chuckle. 'Well, we can certainly stay in bed all day,' he said, before leaning back until he was lying down again, with her on top of him and her head on his chest. 'Although that does depend on whether you have bacon in the fridge, because you know that if you do, not even you will be able to keep me away from it for long.'

She didn't bother to roll her eyes, knowing that he couldn't see, but was unable to keep the grin from her face. 'Of course there's bacon. I knew you were staying,' she told him, slapping at his chest lightly.

One of his hands caught hers, twining their fingers together. 'You know me so well, Swan,' he sighed, before pressing a kiss to her knuckles. 'But let's just enjoy this for a while, can we?'

Shifting into a more comfortable position, she snuggled against him. 'Yeah,' she said quietly, feeling full of warm and hope and bliss.

Emma didn't realize that she'd drifted off until she jerked awake, recognizing Killian's warmth beside her immediately but not entirely sure that it was him that had woken her. Lifting her head, she found him frowning down at her, bleary eyed and clearly in the same state of half asleep confusion as she was, and she was just about to shrug her shoulders and lean in to kiss him when she heard it, the sound that had woken them.

Somebody was banging on the door, and she knew only one person who would be knocking at it so determinedly this early in the morning, and after a party. Killian's eyes widened in realization just before the yelling started.

'Come on, you two sleepy heads, I know you're in there! I come bearing coffee.' There was a pause for a few seconds while Emma and Killian stared at each other. 'Damn it guys, don't make me dig out my spare key!'

The reminder that Ruby didn't need them to unlock the door caused Emma to finally unfreeze and jump out of bed, racing around the bedroom for clothes, not really thinking about just how naked she was until she turned around to find Killian still in bed, propped up on his elbows with the sheet pooled low around his hips, watching her. When she raised her eyebrows at him pointedly, he just shrugged and she wasn't sure if it was to say "what's the problem?" or "yeah, I am gonna look."

'Put some clothes on,' she hissed at him, knowing that she must have looked as unimpressive as was possible with her hair probably sticking up everywhere and her arms twisted back to clasp her bra.

'What's the big deal?' he asked nonchalantly. 'She knows how I feel about you. She's not going to be surprised.'

Emma slowed down, blocking out whatever Ruby was yelling to focus on his expression. He was hiding it well, but what she'd said was bothering him at least a little. 'It's not a big deal for her to know, ' she said carefully. 'We're obviously going to tell her. But she's not going to let either of us live it down if she walks in on us  _naked._ '

He shrugged again, but this time his smile was more genuine as he threw back the sheet and it was her turn to stare when he climbed out of bed. After a moment she gave herself a shake and grabbed the nearest pants, her jeans from last night, and was just pulling a baggy shirt over her head when she darted out into the hallway.

Ruby was kicking the door closed, a cardboard tray with three cups of coffee in one hand, when Emma pulled the bedroom door shut behind her, hiding Killian from view. 'Sorry, I only just heard you,' she said, dragging her fingers through her hair in a useless attempt to tame it, knowing that it would be a mess.

'Uhuh,' Ruby said dryly, poking her head through the door to the living room. 'How hungover are you? Victor said you guys were up late.' She paused, then turned back to face her. 'Where's Killian?'

As if on cue - and it probably was, the bastard - she heard her bedroom door open and she looked over her shoulder to see Killian step out, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs. 'Morning, Rubz.'

Biting her lip, she spun back around to look at Ruby, unsurprised to see a big fat smirk on her face. 'Was the couch a bit too uncomfortable last night, Killian?' she asked, her voice full of amusement.

'Something like that.' His hand brushed hers as he walked past her toward Ruby, and her eyes widened when she saw nail marks on his shoulder blades.  _Why the hell hadn't he put a shirt on?_  But it only got worse when, after he'd taken a coffee from Ruby, he turned back to her and she saw the large hickey that had formed on his collarbone and just how kissbitten his lips looked. 'Right, Emma?' he asked, lifting his drink to her with a nod.

Her cheeks must have been redder than a tomato, for how hot they felt, but she didn't want to hide, not from Ruby, not from anyone. That didn't mean that it wasn't awkward as hell, though. 'Right,' she said, standing a little straighter, her voice sounding a lot firmer than she felt.

'Whatever,' Ruby said with a snort, clearly not believing them in the slightest, just like she'd known she wouldn't. 'Just - Killian, put some clothes on already.  _I_  don't want to see you naked.'

When Killian walked back to the bedroom, he pressed a kiss to the side of her head and she reached out to squeeze his hand before he disappeared through the door. Ruby walked over to her, holding out the remaining coffee. 'It's about time,' she said with a wink.

'Yeah,' she said simply, nodding her thanks for the drink.  _Damn right it was._


End file.
